I'm eating a banana. Which has as much to do with this post as the different subjects I cover have to do with each other. As usual......

Do y'all enjoy how my posts always seem to cover a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't go together in the least because I just start typing and never have a plan in advance?  Good.  Because let's continue with that right now.

I have started numerous posts over the past two weeks but they have been just about the most depressing things you’ve ever read so I haven’t sent them out to the internet.  And then I started this post yesterday at work when I had a few minutes of down time, but my internet has been out at home (even though I had the cable company come out a few months ago when it stopped working and they completely rewired the entire thing) so I couldn’t finish it and post it last night.  So I am trying again because my boss who sits right behind me is out this afternoon. 

I have some crappy stuff happening in my life right now if I’m being honest and I haven’t been able to get my mind off of it to write something y’all might possibly be interested in reading.  Because trust me, you do not want to hear what I’ve been dealing with because it’s all just a gigantic, enormous, boatload of crap.  Expensive crap.  (Just as an example:  $900 to replace an intake manifold on my car (whatever the heck that is) because somehow I got an air leak in mine,  and I need new tires since mine are completely bald and unsafe for me to be driving on for a total of $1,500 I do not have right now, my mortgage payment was increased in December by $250 per month which happens to feel like it might as well be $250,000 more per month, etc.  And that’s only a small part of the gigantic, enormous, boatload of crap. There is also crap involving family members which I’m really not at liberty to discuss on here, and in general life has not been very peachy lately.) 

But there are a couple of good things in case you were about to send some men with a straight jacket for me (if you do though, can you please request they bring me one in a beautiful robin’s egg blue/aqua color?  That’s my very favorite color of all).

Anyway, let’s move on to some good news. 

Hot Brazilian called me last week.  We use Skype since it’s free but the internet connection in the middle of the Amazon jungle is about as reliable as my house and all of its moving parts that keep breaking down every time I blink.  And my car that is now following suit.  I also have the Skype app on my phone and sometimes he happens to call me when I’m driving to work.  And I wish I could tell you how difficult it is to hear him when I’m on my computer at home.  But phone Skype?  Even worse. 

When he called me last week, I was driving to work.  It was pouring rain so I had raindrops pelting my car, my windshield wipers going, and lots of traffic around me so I could hear him kind of not at all.  The entire conversation was basically me saying, “What?  I can’t hear you.  Are you still there?  I can’t hear anything.”  I was finally able to pull over into a parking lot so I could at least turn off my windshield wipers and he told me something awesome that I’ve been waiting about four years to hear and then he promptly lost his internet connection the very second the sentence was out of his mouth and we haven’t been able to connect since.

Frickin’ frackin’ frick.   

Word of advice:  don’t get in a long term relationship with someone who may one day live in the middle of the Amazon if you enjoy talking with that person.  I know!  That happens to so many of us American women.  So don’t come whining to me when it happens to you and say I didn’t warn you that you and your Amazon hottie can’t communicate very well.  I will link you right back to this increasingly more boring post.  However, I will tell you that one good thing about this relationship is that I don’t know how we could ever possibly get tired of each other since we rarely finish talking about a subject.  Even once he gets back here to the States he plans to not be here in Atlanta full-time at first (because of his business plans and all) and I do not care one little bit because we will at least be able to say more than 10 sentences in a row to each other without being disconnected. 

Last week was a very typical conversation we have: 

Me:  Hi, Hot Brazilian!  (I don’t really call him that when we talk, but maybe I should start). 

HB:  Hi, punkin!  (He really does call me that because he apparently has trouble saying pumpkin with his accent) 

Me:  Are you doing okay?  Are you staying safe? 

HB:  I’m okay.  I miss you a lot. 

Me:  I miss you too! 

HB:  Hey listen, you know that thing you’ve been waiting four years for me to say I’m going to finally do?  Well, I decided to do it! 

Me:  Oh Hot Brazilian, that makes me so happy!!  Does this mean……

silence. 

Me:  Shit.  Damn.  Stupid fucking jungle internet. 

Or he’ll say something along the lines of, “Dahling (he calls me that too).  I really miss seeing your……”  Disconnected.  He misses seeing my what?  My paintings?  My smile?  My brilliant mind at work?  My saggy boobs?  What does he miss seeing?  Shit.  Damn.  Stupid fucking jungle internet.  Oh well.  One day we will be able to finish a conversation again. 

This painting I did has nothing do with anything.  Just like the next part of this post has nothing to do with the beginning of the post.  I just wanted to continue a post that has a bunch of crap in it that doesn't go together to see just how much I can confuse y'all so I threw a random painting picture right here.  Although, this painting does kind of look like I feel when I think about spending $1,500 to fix my car.  So I guess it sort of goes with the beginning of this post.  But it really doesn't have anything to do with it at all. Are y'all confused yet?  Good.  Now you know how it feels inside my head most of the time when I'm writing a post.  Which one of you is ordering the robin's egg blue straight jacket for me?  I will need the one which is in a tent size.

Because of all of the financial crappy stuff on my mind, I have been sleeping even worse than I normally do.  Sunday night/Monday morning I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and never went back to sleep.  Last night I was awake from 1:30 – 5:00 a.m.  Sucks.  Sunday night I started flipping through the tv to find something that might put me to sleep but I was WIDE AWAKE.  And I stumbled across something on MTV that I could not turn away from, y’all.  I don’t normally watch MTV because I’m 44 and I don’t care to watch the teenage mom shows or Snooki or whatever else they have on these days.  But in the middle of the night they have some crazy stuff on there and I was not aware of that.  Why did y’all not tell me?  I will be the first to admit that I can be a bit naïve, but I did not know there are people who are into poly-amorous relationships.  Now I know about polygamy and stuff, but this was about 3 gay guys who live together, love each other, all three kiss each other at the same time (which appeared to be a little awkward and difficult if I’m being honest), all put their makeup on and straightened their hair together in the bathroom at the same time (yes they did), all have sexy time together, etc.  They are 3 guys in a committed relationship.  One started feeling left out in certain ways and wanted to bring in a 4^th guy.  One of the other guys was all for it, but the third one was vehemently opposed.  So they went to therapy and eventually decided to bring in the 4^th guy.  Six months into it the third guy, after being totally against the idea, started getting too close to the new guy so the three original guys broke up with him.  Talk about feeling rejected.  When one person breaks up with you it can be devastating.  Imagine if you got dumped by 3 people all at once! 

They also showed another relationship and it was a girl who was dating another girl and a guy.  And the first girl wanted to bring another guy into the relationship.  But the second girl just never hit it off too well with him and got too jealous, etc. so they ended up dumping the additional guy.  So I guess the lesson is that three people work better than four.  Seriously though, aren’t relationships, whether they are hetero or LGBT, enough work when there are only two people in them? 

After that was over, another show came on which was featuring a girl who worked in the porn industry (casting, etc. – not an actress) and could not find a guy who wanted to date her for any reason other than the fact that she worked in the adult entertainment industry.  And there was another girl who had multiple sex partners and apparently had enough crazy sex that she had her own radio show to talk about her sexcapades, but then she met a guy she wanted to be in a monogamous relationship with but her co-host told her it would ruin their show and she couldn’t be monogamous.  And finally, there was a guy who swore he was hetero but was starring in gay porn videos and was going to visit his family and tell them what he did for a living.  He said he took enhancement pills to be able to shoot the scenes because they were questioning him about how that all worked.  And 10 minutes into that show, after watching the previous one, I felt like that was too much smut for one night so I changed the channel but two days later I’m wondering if all of their lives worked out okay.  I’m also really glad I watched all of that stuff because it made me feel as though my completely crazy relationship situation with Hot Brazilian really isn’t so out there after all.  Don't y'all agree? 

.......Silence.

Well, we covered my crappy financial situation, communication in the Amazon and alternative lifestyles in one post.  I continue to make a lot of sense to y’all, right?