News flash: I have craziness going on in my life

So our wonderful June is going to take a break.  I don't blame her.  But it has inspired me to really, really, really try to post more regularly.  I'm certainly not saying I'll post every single day like she does, but I am going to try to do better than once a month.  I normally have plenty of blog material, I am just limited because I am hesitant to blog at my house with the two fake kids there since I don't want them to know about this blog.  And sometimes at work I'm simply too busy.  But I promise to try even if no one is here to read my rambling. I've honestly had this post partially written and saved in my draft folder for several weeks and never had a chance to finish it.  Sad is what I am.

Well, I know y'all will be surprised, but since I last wrote more crap has happened in my life.  Seriously, will I ever have a calm week?

Here's a secret:  all of this crap that keeps happening kind of stresses me out.  Like, a lot.  Which is why I'm eating one of the world's largest chocolate and sea salt candy bars right now.  Stress and PMS.  I know you can't wait to keep reading now.

The stress made me get really cranky a few weekends ago and I said something to my fake kids in a text message on that Saturday night that was completely inappropriate and then I felt so rotten to my very core about it that I didn't sleep for three days.  Plus Aunt Flo was visiting and that just doesn't help anything.  Without going into the details, it was about an issue that I have had to talk to them about over and over and over again  that bugs the ever loving crap out of me that they have been doing and I've told them over and over and over again why it bugs me and what would happen if they kept doing it and guess what?  That thing happened on that particular Saturday night.  They were at a nightclub with some friends of theirs when I discovered what had happened to my house because of this thing they keep doing and I texted them and told them I was so angry that they should not come home.  So they didn't come home.  For two days.  I win the fake parenting award of the year for that right there.  Y'all I still feel absolutely horrid about it.  I've apologized profusely to them, I've confessed what I did to Hot Brazilian when I talked to him a couple of days later (he wasn't mad at me at all (he is mad at his kids because of what they did) but it's okay because I'm mad enough at myself for 85 people), and the kids seem okay now that we talked it all out, but I still feel just awful that I said that to them.  I've talked about it with my mom and a dear friend of mine and they said I shouldn't feel as bad as I do because of a bunch of reasons, but I still do.  I feel rotten and awful and no-good and horrible and like a giant turd in a pair of giant stinky pants.

As soon as I sent the text I regretted it and I KNOW BETTER than to react to someone out of anger like I was feeling at that moment.  I knew I should have waited until I had calmed down some.  But I didn't.  And I couldn't un-send the text.  And then my fake daughter responded about 30 minutes later and told me how sorry they were for what had happened and what they had done and then she said that she regretted ever moving to the U.S. and how awful she feels that they are still having to live in my house and she thought everything would be much easier here in America.  So that made me feel even worse.  I hate, hate, hate being as stressed as I have been lately.

I sat fake daughter down later and I told her that it is not the U.S. that is difficult.  I explained to her that being an adult is what is difficult and that being an adult kind of sucks about 75% of the time.  I tried to make her see that this is all hard because she's never done it before.  She's never lived away from home.  She's never had to try and rent an apartment.  Or register her own car.  Or get her own car insurance.  Her own cell phone.  Her own utilities.  Pay for her own food, etc.  I told her she'd be learning all of this stuff and having to do all of this stuff whether she lives here, whether she had stayed in Brazil and moved into her own place, or whether she had moved to China.  I told her when I moved from my apartment to my house I had to do every single thing she's having to do, whether it was establishing new services or moving existing ones and changing addresses with companies.  Yes it sucks giant sweaty donkey balls, I told her.  And she finally said she got it.

One week later, my fake son told me he's planning to move to a country in Europe which I'm not going to disclose right now so that he can play semi-pro soccer.  Which means he won't finish high school.  I got all over him in the nicest way possible and told him as nicely as I could that he's making a huge mistake that he will regret a lot when he gets older.  And he told me in the nicest way possible that he doesn't want to discuss it with me.  Have I told you the situation with him?  He went to another European country last year (taking a year off school and let me tell you his father was completely against it and it was a horrible situation) and played semi-pro soccer and then he planned to come here with his sister and finish school this year.  Only a couple of weeks ago he said that is now not his plan.

Then last week his sister took him to see yet another high school here and he liked it and started saying he wouldn't mind going there if they could find an affordable apartment in that school district. My guess is that his dad has possibly had something to do with him reconsidering. And for the past few days he hasn't wanted to talk about what he's doing so I'm completely in the dark but I honestly think he's kind of in the dark and undecided too.


And why not throw some more MAJOR house repairs into the middle of things.  My contractor gave me an estimate a few weeks ago of almost $4,000 and at the time I had $9 in my checking account.  I cried when we hung up.  I honestly just felt like I was completely defeated by everything going on in my life.  But then he called me again and told me my homeowners insurance would probably cover it and he would fix a couple of other things he knew were messed up in my house that I needed to have done but could not afford for whatever the insurance company would give me.  Yes, I have a super awesome contractor. 

An insurance adjuster came out to my house a couple of weeks ago and he took pictures and he measured rooms and measured showers and measured the exterior of my entire house and he climbed around in the attic and he oohed and aahed over all of the wonderful character my almost-100-year-old house has and I told him he should buy it from me because maybe he could afford to fix all of the crap that keeps breaking in it better than I can.

That is how it came to be that last week I had 4 guys in my house for 3 full days (I told you it was major) working non-stop.  They had to cut a huge hole in my dining room ceiling because of mold, repair the hole, completely re-tile an upstairs shower after they cut into the wall and repaired a leak, he repainted that bathroom, he had to remove bead board and cut a hole in another wall to fix a downstairs bathroom that was gushing water into my crawl space and up under the tile in the room next door (because it turns out there was an approximate 2 inch long crack in the pipe), get rid of all of the mold in that wall, he replaced all of the plumbing fixtures in the downstairs shower, he repaired my kitchen faucet, put some bolts in my stair railing that was becoming very loose and wobbly (the stairs I've fallen down twice and broken my arm on), and he repainted another small bathroom downstairs at no charge.

Poor Hot Brazilian.  When I told him I was dealing with two really bad shower leaks his immediate reaction was to ask, "darling, did my kids do this?  Because if they did......"  I assured him it has a lot more to do with my house being almost 100 years old than his kids doing anything.

But y'all, if one more major thing breaks in my house I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm already giving some consideration to selling because I cannot deal with this.  And if I do I'm going to buy the tiniest house I can find so no one will want to live with me ever again.  Except for Hot Brazilian when he gets back here of course.  If I could figure out a way to make a living, I'd move my ass right up to the North Georgia mountains and live in a cabin in the woods far away from civilization.  

I hope my next post is full of funny and happiness. 

Oh, I did see a girl's bare ass on Saturday walking down the sidewalk.   Super short skirts, going commando, and a nice breezy morning are not the three best things to combine.