So I mentioned my latest crazy story on BBP and on Facebook, but here's all the detail about it.
Last Thursday night, I was having my normal exciting night of running an errand or two after work, walking in my house completely exhausted, eating some little thing, doing a couple of things around the house that needed doing, and collapsing into bed.
I had been in bed for a little while and I was watching re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond and starting to doze off and on because that's just how interesting my life is, when I suddenly thought I heard someone knocking on my front door. It's very hard to hear stuff on the back of my house where my bedroom is (the night two cars got totaled on the street in front of my house I heard nothing, nor did my mom or her husband who were in the guest bedroom which is on the back side of my house). But this wasn't normal, friendly neighborly knocking. It was urgent knocking and it sounded like they were hitting my stained glass front door with something. As I was trying to determine if I really was hearing knocking or if I was dreaming or hearing something on TV, I suddenly heard the doorbell ringing. And whoever was at my door rang it about six times. And then the knocking on my glass door started up again.
"Aha!" I thought to myself. "I can flip my TV over to my security cameras and see who is knocking!" Little did I know that 4 days after I had cameras installed around my house they would come in so handy. My security guy was still working on them to do all of the networking stuff so I can see them from my phone, laptop, and tablet they were so newly installed, but luckily I could already view them on my TV.
Imagine my surprise when I saw three men wandering around my front porch, shining flashlights into my windows, and picking up different items on my porch checking everything out carefully. I guess birdhouses and flower pots are the official hiding places for bad stuff. Then one of them turned and was facing a camera and I saw his police badge. And his guns. "What in the hell?" I thought because I'm just a middle-aged, severely overweight woman watching sit-coms in bed on a Thursday night at 10:40 p.m. and certainly hadn't called the police out to my house for anything.
The knocking was continuing.
I then looked at the camera pointing up my driveway towards the street where I saw an ambulance. "What in the hell?" I thought for the second time because I may be middle-aged and severely overweight, but I wasn't dying and had not called for medical assistance.
As I went to the closet to put on my robe since I was wearing the most awful pajamas in the history of ever (a worn out, stained tank top and my pj bottoms had a giant hole in the crotch but oh my dog they are so comfortable so I keep wearing them) I thought to myself that maybe there was a gas leak in the 'hood and they were evacuating everyone or something. Or maybe something had happened out on the street in front of my house and they saw my cameras and wanted to see if it had recorded an incident (my neighbors had the police come to their house for that one time).
I turned on the light on the staircase and as I walked downstairs there was an officer shining his flashlight into my dining room window. I got my alarm system turned off and opened the front door.
One officer was standing right at the door. Another one was in the center of my front porch. A third one was standing at the bottom of the steps watching up and down my driveway. A fourth one was standing at my front gate with it closed (so no one could easily escape I suppose).
"Ma'am, are you okay?" asked the officer.
"I'm fine. What on earth is going on?"
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I was in bed almost asleep. May I ask why you're here?"
"Are you alone, ma'am?"
"I am."
"Are you sure?"
"Unless someone broke in and my alarm system didn't go off then I'm sure I'm alone."
"And you are positive that you aren't injured?"
"I'm 100% sure that I'm not injured. What is going on?"
"Someone from Forsyth sent us an email and said we needed to send an ambulance and officers to this address because there is a large group of women fighting each other."
"Um, WHAT?! I can assure you there is nothing of the sort going on here. I'm fine, I'm alone, and y'all are more than welcome to come search my entire house if you need to verify that there are no women in here fighting."
"So, there's nothing happening?"
"No sir. Again, I welcome you to search my house if you need to. Who would do this? Was it an email from someone in Forsyth COUNTY or Forsyth the city?"
"I'm not really sure ma'am. Our dispatch would have to confirm that."
"And you're positive they said my address?"
He then asked me to confirm my street address and his partner looked on some sort of device at the call they received and he confirmed my address was the one reported.
"Well, I just had security cameras installed and the guy is still working on them so I'm not even sure how it all works yet, but if you want to see if we can figure out how to review the recorded footage, maybe a huge cat fight was going on out in the street in front of my house?"
"No, ma'am. The email said a big group of women were fighting inside your home."
"I'm so sorry someone wasted your time having you come to my house. Thank you for checking on me, but I promise there is nothing interesting going on here and I am fine. I was in bed watching Everybody Loves Raymond not doing anything remotely exciting."
He laughed.
I then flipped on my overhead light in the living room which is right next my entryway and again told them they could come in to look around if they needed to. The officer stuck his head in the door and looked around, said everything looked like it's in place and asked me once again if I was absolutely sure I was okay and didn't need any assistance.
I opened my robe, looked down at my hoots and said, "Nope, everything seems to be okay."
He laughed, wished me a good night and they walked away.
How weird is all of that?
The next morning I called the Atlanta Police Department and asked if I needed to get a copy of a report for any reason and they told me since the police came and checked on me and I told them I was okay, there would be no report. "But what about the fact that someone made a false report?" I asked them. "We don't investigate those." When I see my brother, the cop, and about 5 of his cop friends this weekend I'm going to ask them if they investigate them in the suburban city they all work for. My guess is either someone transposed some numbers and maybe there was a bunch of women fighting somewhere but the wrong address was reported or maybe some kids out on Spring Break got really bored and decided to play an awful prank and randomly chose my address.
My security camera/gate guy called me when I was driving to work the next morning and I told him all about it. He was as shocked as I was. He was at my house most of the day on Saturday and part of Sunday working on my system and he found the recorded footage of everything. I think he watched it 3 or 4 times because he couldn't believe it.
I may be spending a small fortune on gates and cameras, but I can't tell you how happy I was that I had it last Thursday night so I could see it wasn't someone meaning to do me any harm who was banging on my door.
Next up on my home adventures list: This week I'm getting my deck repainted even though I just did that last June (there is a story about that), I'm having tons of insulation put in my crawlspace and attic space (there is a story about that), and I have to have a new front door put in (there is a story about that too and no, the police didn't break it banging on it the other night). And my mom and her husband are coming from Texas on Friday while all of that is going on. And I'm having 20 people at my house on Sunday for Easter/my brother's birthday so I have to prepare for a party while contractors are working. And I have to put together a ton of Easter eggs for a bunch of kids to hunt. And I have to go buy my brother a present this week one night. And buy a ham. And a birthday cake. And a lot of other food. And I volunteered to put together a whole bunch of gag gifts from my mom and I since my brother is turning 50 because apparently I thought I would have time for that kind of nonsense. And let us all pray the weather is nice on Sunday so I can put some people outside on my deck to eat. And let us all pray the paint is dry by then.
Please send wine. Gallons of it. I think I'm gonna start drinking soon.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
She really is fabulous.
First, an update on my niece. The hospital released her around 6:00 last night so she is at home now. I just sent her a text a little while ago to check on her and see how she was feeling. She responded and said she is feeling amazing! She got out of the house for a little while today, got her hair washed, and has been sitting up a lot. She is one blessed young lady.
My posts about this weekend are coming to y'all in an order that is anything but the order stuff happened in. Yesterday I told you about part of Friday and Saturday. Now I'm gonna tell you about different parts of Friday and Saturday. Just try to keep up, okay?
Do most of y'all know who One Fabulous Mama is? If not, check out her blog. Here she is on my porch and my friends hanging out listening to her share her story:
One Fabulous Mama and her friend, Mandy, arrived at 6:00. She brought me a beautiful floral arrangement, some lotions and goodies, and a coffee mug:
I wish every single one of you could meet her. This was the second time I've met her and she just keeps getting more wonderful. She is one of the most colorful yet down to earth, warm, welcoming, inspirational people I have ever met in my life. After about 30 seconds, you don't see her hair color (currently purple but sometimes it's pink or blue or blonde) or her tattoos. You see her soul. You see her spirit. You see her self-confidence. You see her heart.
In fact, a bit into the party, some of us were sitting out on my front porch with her chatting and one of my friends looked at me and said, "You know how I am. Can I ask OFM a question or will I embarrass you?" I told OFM I had no idea what my friend might possibly ask but to feel free to say she didn't want to answer if she didn't want to. My friend asked her to tell her story of how she went from a mom wearing plaid dresses and short "mom" hair to the lady with purple hair and covered in tattoos. So she did. We all sat there and listened in silence and a bit of awe. (In a nutshell, the purple hair and tattoos are who she really is on the inside and she finally decided to stop living her life to make everyone else happy and she stopped hating herself. And she now looks at herself in the mirror and says, "You are absolutely adorable!" And she is freaking adorable, y'all. And her husband and kids think so too.) My friend then said to her, "One of the main reasons I came tonight is because I see the stuff you write online. I see your Facebook posts. I see the photos you post. And I wanted to meet you in person so I could see if you're just full of bullshit. You are not. You are completely who you are online. I am so happy I met you. You are refreshing and absolutely amazing." My friend also wrote a very nice post about OFM on her own Facebook about how much she enjoyed meeting her.
I had an opportunity to chat with her for a little while one-on-one. She asked me one simple question that caused me to share with her some kind of bad stuff I went through a long time ago. She cried while I was talking with her. She told me she felt honored that people share their stories with her. She had suggested that we go to the Clermont Lounge after the party was over but as she and I were talking she said, "I know I suggested the Clermont, but to be honest I would much rather stay here at your house and just talk with you some more." But then 4 people walked in the room and our magical connection was interrupted. It did feel a little bit magical, y'all. I know that might sound dorky, but she just makes you feel good about yourself by being around her. Her soul shines.
When she first arrived at my house, she walked in the door and said, "You are my people. I want to be friends with you on Facebook on my personal page." She turned the corner into my kitchen and she gasped and clutched her hands to her chest. She had spotted a tiny piece of artwork I have from an artist I collect and follow online. It wasn't a piece that jumps out at people. It was on a shelf with some other stuff around it and it's only 8x8 inches in size. I showed her a couple of other pieces I have from the same artist. She stood there with her hands on her heart and said, "I met that artist one time. I can't believe you know of her and collect her work. I was at the monastery out in Conyers doing some meditation and she was there. I had never heard of her before but for some reason she felt drawn to come over and speak to me. She shared some stuff that she was going through and we talked for a very long time. It was one of the most amazing moments I've ever had. She told me she was an artist and we really connected. And now here I am and you collect her work. I don't know what she was doing at the monastery. In fact, I don't even know where she lives."
I responded to her, "I can't believe she was at the monastery all the way out here in Conyers. She lives in Portland, Oregon."
Those two were meant to meet.
When I used to teach painting classes at the studio, our stuff was a certain "style" of art and I very much enjoyed painting those pieces and working there and teaching. But when it's just me, piddling around in my home studio, my "style" is much more similar to this particular artist OFM had met at the monastery. After everyone had left Friday night, OFM asked if she could see my home studio. She, Amanda, Mandy and I went upstairs and OFM and Mandy started going through every single painting in my studio.....which is probably in the neighborhood of a couple of hundred paintings or more. I told them not to feel like they had to look at everything and she said she wanted to. She got to one of my personal pieces (as opposed to the teaching ones) and she said how much she loved it so I told her I wanted her to have it. I ended up giving her 5 paintings and Mandy a couple. OFM asked me which style was more me. I told her it was the ones I do when I'm just painting for me and not the ones I painted when I used to teach. She looked at me and said, "I knew that."
OFM and Mandy spent the night at my house that night. I KNOW! How lucky am I??
We were planning to go to breakfast the next morning, however, we didn't all go to bed until after 2:00 a.m. and by the time they woke up and packed they didn't have time because she wanted to take Mandy to IKEA and they were heading to a thrift store and then she had another sex toy party scheduled for that evening. So I helped the two of them load up suitcases, sex toys, lube, stockings, wine, books, etc. (OFM has written a book and has her own wine label) into her mini-van, hugged them both and wished them well. She had pulled her car back behind my house where the garage is and Amanda's car was also back there and before we knew it, OFM was good and stuck trying to get turned around because my driveway is next to impossible to back out of.
So there I was cornered between her van, my deck, the post for my new gate, and a thing hanging on the side of my deck that my garden hose hangs on. I mean I was sucking in my gut and had both feet turned out to the sides so she wouldn't run over my toes I was so plastered against my deck. And there she was wedged between the gutter on the corner of my house and the old crappy gate door on the opposite side. She couldn't back up. She couldn't pull forward. Until she decided to just pull forward and scrape the hell out of the side of her van and dent my gutter a bit. I was way more worried about her van than a dent in my gutter. Oh, y'all. I felt just awful about it. I told her to tell her husband that someone did it while she was inside IKEA because I'm all about encouraging people to tell their husband giant lies.
And then OFM and Mandy were gone just like that. It was a whirlwind evening/morning but I adore that woman.
I hope you all get a chance to meet her at some point. Karen in VB was so sad she couldn't come down this weekend. If I ever have her at my house again I'll be sure to let you know, Karen.
My posts about this weekend are coming to y'all in an order that is anything but the order stuff happened in. Yesterday I told you about part of Friday and Saturday. Now I'm gonna tell you about different parts of Friday and Saturday. Just try to keep up, okay?
Do most of y'all know who One Fabulous Mama is? If not, check out her blog. Here she is on my porch and my friends hanging out listening to her share her story:
One Fabulous Mama and her friend, Mandy, arrived at 6:00. She brought me a beautiful floral arrangement, some lotions and goodies, and a coffee mug:
I wish every single one of you could meet her. This was the second time I've met her and she just keeps getting more wonderful. She is one of the most colorful yet down to earth, warm, welcoming, inspirational people I have ever met in my life. After about 30 seconds, you don't see her hair color (currently purple but sometimes it's pink or blue or blonde) or her tattoos. You see her soul. You see her spirit. You see her self-confidence. You see her heart.
In fact, a bit into the party, some of us were sitting out on my front porch with her chatting and one of my friends looked at me and said, "You know how I am. Can I ask OFM a question or will I embarrass you?" I told OFM I had no idea what my friend might possibly ask but to feel free to say she didn't want to answer if she didn't want to. My friend asked her to tell her story of how she went from a mom wearing plaid dresses and short "mom" hair to the lady with purple hair and covered in tattoos. So she did. We all sat there and listened in silence and a bit of awe. (In a nutshell, the purple hair and tattoos are who she really is on the inside and she finally decided to stop living her life to make everyone else happy and she stopped hating herself. And she now looks at herself in the mirror and says, "You are absolutely adorable!" And she is freaking adorable, y'all. And her husband and kids think so too.) My friend then said to her, "One of the main reasons I came tonight is because I see the stuff you write online. I see your Facebook posts. I see the photos you post. And I wanted to meet you in person so I could see if you're just full of bullshit. You are not. You are completely who you are online. I am so happy I met you. You are refreshing and absolutely amazing." My friend also wrote a very nice post about OFM on her own Facebook about how much she enjoyed meeting her.
I had an opportunity to chat with her for a little while one-on-one. She asked me one simple question that caused me to share with her some kind of bad stuff I went through a long time ago. She cried while I was talking with her. She told me she felt honored that people share their stories with her. She had suggested that we go to the Clermont Lounge after the party was over but as she and I were talking she said, "I know I suggested the Clermont, but to be honest I would much rather stay here at your house and just talk with you some more." But then 4 people walked in the room and our magical connection was interrupted. It did feel a little bit magical, y'all. I know that might sound dorky, but she just makes you feel good about yourself by being around her. Her soul shines.
When she first arrived at my house, she walked in the door and said, "You are my people. I want to be friends with you on Facebook on my personal page." She turned the corner into my kitchen and she gasped and clutched her hands to her chest. She had spotted a tiny piece of artwork I have from an artist I collect and follow online. It wasn't a piece that jumps out at people. It was on a shelf with some other stuff around it and it's only 8x8 inches in size. I showed her a couple of other pieces I have from the same artist. She stood there with her hands on her heart and said, "I met that artist one time. I can't believe you know of her and collect her work. I was at the monastery out in Conyers doing some meditation and she was there. I had never heard of her before but for some reason she felt drawn to come over and speak to me. She shared some stuff that she was going through and we talked for a very long time. It was one of the most amazing moments I've ever had. She told me she was an artist and we really connected. And now here I am and you collect her work. I don't know what she was doing at the monastery. In fact, I don't even know where she lives."
I responded to her, "I can't believe she was at the monastery all the way out here in Conyers. She lives in Portland, Oregon."
Those two were meant to meet.
When I used to teach painting classes at the studio, our stuff was a certain "style" of art and I very much enjoyed painting those pieces and working there and teaching. But when it's just me, piddling around in my home studio, my "style" is much more similar to this particular artist OFM had met at the monastery. After everyone had left Friday night, OFM asked if she could see my home studio. She, Amanda, Mandy and I went upstairs and OFM and Mandy started going through every single painting in my studio.....which is probably in the neighborhood of a couple of hundred paintings or more. I told them not to feel like they had to look at everything and she said she wanted to. She got to one of my personal pieces (as opposed to the teaching ones) and she said how much she loved it so I told her I wanted her to have it. I ended up giving her 5 paintings and Mandy a couple. OFM asked me which style was more me. I told her it was the ones I do when I'm just painting for me and not the ones I painted when I used to teach. She looked at me and said, "I knew that."
OFM and Mandy spent the night at my house that night. I KNOW! How lucky am I??
We were planning to go to breakfast the next morning, however, we didn't all go to bed until after 2:00 a.m. and by the time they woke up and packed they didn't have time because she wanted to take Mandy to IKEA and they were heading to a thrift store and then she had another sex toy party scheduled for that evening. So I helped the two of them load up suitcases, sex toys, lube, stockings, wine, books, etc. (OFM has written a book and has her own wine label) into her mini-van, hugged them both and wished them well. She had pulled her car back behind my house where the garage is and Amanda's car was also back there and before we knew it, OFM was good and stuck trying to get turned around because my driveway is next to impossible to back out of.
So there I was cornered between her van, my deck, the post for my new gate, and a thing hanging on the side of my deck that my garden hose hangs on. I mean I was sucking in my gut and had both feet turned out to the sides so she wouldn't run over my toes I was so plastered against my deck. And there she was wedged between the gutter on the corner of my house and the old crappy gate door on the opposite side. She couldn't back up. She couldn't pull forward. Until she decided to just pull forward and scrape the hell out of the side of her van and dent my gutter a bit. I was way more worried about her van than a dent in my gutter. Oh, y'all. I felt just awful about it. I told her to tell her husband that someone did it while she was inside IKEA because I'm all about encouraging people to tell their husband giant lies.
And then OFM and Mandy were gone just like that. It was a whirlwind evening/morning but I adore that woman.
I hope you all get a chance to meet her at some point. Karen in VB was so sad she couldn't come down this weekend. If I ever have her at my house again I'll be sure to let you know, Karen.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Well. That didn't go as I had planned. At all.
Poor Amanda.
Amanda came to Atlanta this weekend to stay with me and thought we would have a party, do some touristy things, and eat at some good restaurants. We did have a party. And that's about all we did on her list.
(I'm not sure if y'all have ever picked up on this, but my plans seldom go off without a hitch or like I think they're going to.)
She had some delays trying to leave to come down on Thursday, so she didn't arrive at my house until sometime between 10:00 and 11:00. Around 1:00 a.m., I started saying we probably should go to bed because I had to get up early because I had two contractors coming to my house on Friday morning. We finally stopped talking and went to bed at 4:00 in the morning.
Guess what?
I'm way too old to stay up that late.
I also am a terrible sleeper, so I was wide awake by 6:30 and got up at 7:00 a.m. and tried to be very, very quiet so I wouldn't wake Amanda up since she was right across the hall from me. She said she never heard me so one thing in my life went according to plan. Go, me.
The guy who is installing my new gates and security cameras arrived Friday morning and he said he thought he would get the cameras done that day. He worked from 9:30 - 6:30 on Friday. He worked from 9:30 - 3:00 on Saturday. He worked from 10:00 - 5:00 on Sunday. He'll be back next Saturday.
(I'm not sure if y'all picked up on this, but the security guy's plans didn't go off without a hitch or like he thought they were going to.)
My regular contractor also came by because, and I know this will come as a surprise...I have some stuff going wrong with my house. I've replaced 2 deadbolts on my front door in 2 years. Now a third one has broken. Now I have to buy a new front door and have it installed. It turns out the front door that was put in by the previous owner was not done correctly. It should have been 36" wide. Instead it's 30" wide. The door jamb was not put in properly. Nothing is aligned correctly. My contractor said the lady apparently tried to custom fit a door but failed miserably. Amanda and I were talking and the stain glass on the front door matches the stain glass in a transom window inside the house so the door was probably originally an interior door that she moved. And now I'm gonna have to pay a bunch of money to fix it.
I have paint cracking throughout my house on bead board and paneled doors. My contractor believes it's because I have no insulation in my crawl space and very little insulation in the attic space. So I'm gonna have to pay a bunch of money to fix that.
I have two outlets that don't work on my deck because the wire has been cut in the crawl space. (It's been like that since I bought the house. It's not another security issue.)
I need my gutters cleaned.
My deck that he refinished last June is messed up (the paint is coming off). At least that won't cost me anything because he stands behind his work.
One of my neighbors wanted to meet with him so I walked down the street to introduce them.
Amanda and I ran around all afternoon getting food prepared for my sex toy party on Friday evening. I warned my security camera guy that he might want to be gone before 6:00 because a lady with purple hair and a bunch of tattoos was arriving at that time with cases full of vibrators and lube. And then around 7:00 my house was going to be full of women. I'm kind of surprised he showed back up on Saturday.
In the middle of all of this activity, my brother called me. He said he'd tried my work number but I didn't answer so he decided to call my cell phone. I said, "I'm off work today because I have two contractors here at my house, company from out of town who arrived last night, I'm having my sex toy party tonight, I have more company spending the night tonight, and I will have a houseful of people here in a few hours so I'm in the middle of preparing a bunch of food."
"Oh. That's right," he said as though all of this was even a tiny bit normal.
He went on to tell me that my niece/his daughter (16-years-old) was in the hospital because she had run over herself with her own car. For real.
They have two dogs which are of decent size and they are ill behaved and not trained. They had both escaped from the house so my niece jumped in her car to go drive around their neighborhood to look for them. She saw a neighbor out walking her tiny dog on a leash. My niece stopped to speak with her to see if she had seen the dogs running around. As they were talking, her two dogs came running up towards them. My niece was afraid her dogs would attack the neighbor's smaller dog so she jumped out of the car to try and grab them, but forgot she had not put her car in park. As the car started rolling, she tried to get back in but the door hit her, knocked her down, she was dragged down the street, she finally had to let go and the back tire rolled all the way over her down the left side of her body. The car kept going, went through two yards where it eventually rammed through someone's garage and into a closet where it finally stopped.
The neighbor called 9-1-1 and apparently it is normal procedure when a minor is involved in a serious car accident that they get air lifted to the hospital so they flew her by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta. She has a very deep puncture wound to her ankle, severe road rash down both legs and on her bottom, a liver laceration, and a partially collapsed lung. They took her into an operating room but I don't know that you'd call what she had an actual surgery. The wound on her ankle was cut roughly so they put her under, had to cut it a little more to have clean lines so they could get it to heal properly, they irrigated the wound so it would be clean and hopefully not get infected, and then put staples in it. Both legs are bandaged because of road rash, and they put a chest tube in to re-inflate her lung. Her liver seems to be doing okay at this point but they still don't have the lung where they want it to be. Right now we're waiting to see if she will be released this evening.
So instead of going to the Margaret Mitchell House or the art festival we had thought about going to, Amanda got to go to the hospital on Saturday afternoon and meet part of my family.
While we were there, they decided to take the chest tube out so we stepped out into the hall while they were working on that. Her room is the last room at the end of the hall so there was a big window there and we stood in front of it. About 30 seconds after walking out in the hall, a gun battle broke out in a park across the street from the hospital. We saw about 20 people running from the scene. Nurses, doctors, etc. came down to watch out the window with us. My brother came out of my niece's room when he heard the gunshots and because he's a cop he told us we might want to not stand in front of the window while people are shooting at each other. Good point.
After we left, Amanda wanted to stop in Trader Joe's so we did that and it was 6:00 p.m. and all I had eaten all day was four M&Ms because I'm the healthiest eater that ever was. I was starving so we stopped at Roasters because I was about to pass out and I ate chicken fingers, a sweet potato, and some green beans because I'm sort of healthy but not all the way. I scarfed it down. We were both exhausted so we decided to go back to my house and just chill.
And as we sat out on my front porch in the middle of Atlanta, we heard a monkey at a neighbor's house. I have no idea what neighbor around me has a monkey because I've never heard it before, but we both heard it plain as day.
So yes, Amanda thought we would have good tours, good art and good food. Instead she experienced contractors, a grocery store, visiting someone in the hospital, and Roasters.
Tomorrow I will tell y'all about the party and how One Fabulous Mama almost ran over my feet with her mini-van and she slightly damaged a part of my house. Apparently we were trying to be like my niece. On a much smaller scale.
Amanda came to Atlanta this weekend to stay with me and thought we would have a party, do some touristy things, and eat at some good restaurants. We did have a party. And that's about all we did on her list.
(I'm not sure if y'all have ever picked up on this, but my plans seldom go off without a hitch or like I think they're going to.)
She had some delays trying to leave to come down on Thursday, so she didn't arrive at my house until sometime between 10:00 and 11:00. Around 1:00 a.m., I started saying we probably should go to bed because I had to get up early because I had two contractors coming to my house on Friday morning. We finally stopped talking and went to bed at 4:00 in the morning.
Guess what?
I'm way too old to stay up that late.
I also am a terrible sleeper, so I was wide awake by 6:30 and got up at 7:00 a.m. and tried to be very, very quiet so I wouldn't wake Amanda up since she was right across the hall from me. She said she never heard me so one thing in my life went according to plan. Go, me.
The guy who is installing my new gates and security cameras arrived Friday morning and he said he thought he would get the cameras done that day. He worked from 9:30 - 6:30 on Friday. He worked from 9:30 - 3:00 on Saturday. He worked from 10:00 - 5:00 on Sunday. He'll be back next Saturday.
(I'm not sure if y'all picked up on this, but the security guy's plans didn't go off without a hitch or like he thought they were going to.)
My regular contractor also came by because, and I know this will come as a surprise...I have some stuff going wrong with my house. I've replaced 2 deadbolts on my front door in 2 years. Now a third one has broken. Now I have to buy a new front door and have it installed. It turns out the front door that was put in by the previous owner was not done correctly. It should have been 36" wide. Instead it's 30" wide. The door jamb was not put in properly. Nothing is aligned correctly. My contractor said the lady apparently tried to custom fit a door but failed miserably. Amanda and I were talking and the stain glass on the front door matches the stain glass in a transom window inside the house so the door was probably originally an interior door that she moved. And now I'm gonna have to pay a bunch of money to fix it.
I have paint cracking throughout my house on bead board and paneled doors. My contractor believes it's because I have no insulation in my crawl space and very little insulation in the attic space. So I'm gonna have to pay a bunch of money to fix that.
I have two outlets that don't work on my deck because the wire has been cut in the crawl space. (It's been like that since I bought the house. It's not another security issue.)
I need my gutters cleaned.
My deck that he refinished last June is messed up (the paint is coming off). At least that won't cost me anything because he stands behind his work.
One of my neighbors wanted to meet with him so I walked down the street to introduce them.
Amanda and I ran around all afternoon getting food prepared for my sex toy party on Friday evening. I warned my security camera guy that he might want to be gone before 6:00 because a lady with purple hair and a bunch of tattoos was arriving at that time with cases full of vibrators and lube. And then around 7:00 my house was going to be full of women. I'm kind of surprised he showed back up on Saturday.
In the middle of all of this activity, my brother called me. He said he'd tried my work number but I didn't answer so he decided to call my cell phone. I said, "I'm off work today because I have two contractors here at my house, company from out of town who arrived last night, I'm having my sex toy party tonight, I have more company spending the night tonight, and I will have a houseful of people here in a few hours so I'm in the middle of preparing a bunch of food."
"Oh. That's right," he said as though all of this was even a tiny bit normal.
He went on to tell me that my niece/his daughter (16-years-old) was in the hospital because she had run over herself with her own car. For real.
They have two dogs which are of decent size and they are ill behaved and not trained. They had both escaped from the house so my niece jumped in her car to go drive around their neighborhood to look for them. She saw a neighbor out walking her tiny dog on a leash. My niece stopped to speak with her to see if she had seen the dogs running around. As they were talking, her two dogs came running up towards them. My niece was afraid her dogs would attack the neighbor's smaller dog so she jumped out of the car to try and grab them, but forgot she had not put her car in park. As the car started rolling, she tried to get back in but the door hit her, knocked her down, she was dragged down the street, she finally had to let go and the back tire rolled all the way over her down the left side of her body. The car kept going, went through two yards where it eventually rammed through someone's garage and into a closet where it finally stopped.
The neighbor called 9-1-1 and apparently it is normal procedure when a minor is involved in a serious car accident that they get air lifted to the hospital so they flew her by helicopter to a hospital in Atlanta. She has a very deep puncture wound to her ankle, severe road rash down both legs and on her bottom, a liver laceration, and a partially collapsed lung. They took her into an operating room but I don't know that you'd call what she had an actual surgery. The wound on her ankle was cut roughly so they put her under, had to cut it a little more to have clean lines so they could get it to heal properly, they irrigated the wound so it would be clean and hopefully not get infected, and then put staples in it. Both legs are bandaged because of road rash, and they put a chest tube in to re-inflate her lung. Her liver seems to be doing okay at this point but they still don't have the lung where they want it to be. Right now we're waiting to see if she will be released this evening.
So instead of going to the Margaret Mitchell House or the art festival we had thought about going to, Amanda got to go to the hospital on Saturday afternoon and meet part of my family.
While we were there, they decided to take the chest tube out so we stepped out into the hall while they were working on that. Her room is the last room at the end of the hall so there was a big window there and we stood in front of it. About 30 seconds after walking out in the hall, a gun battle broke out in a park across the street from the hospital. We saw about 20 people running from the scene. Nurses, doctors, etc. came down to watch out the window with us. My brother came out of my niece's room when he heard the gunshots and because he's a cop he told us we might want to not stand in front of the window while people are shooting at each other. Good point.
After we left, Amanda wanted to stop in Trader Joe's so we did that and it was 6:00 p.m. and all I had eaten all day was four M&Ms because I'm the healthiest eater that ever was. I was starving so we stopped at Roasters because I was about to pass out and I ate chicken fingers, a sweet potato, and some green beans because I'm sort of healthy but not all the way. I scarfed it down. We were both exhausted so we decided to go back to my house and just chill.
And as we sat out on my front porch in the middle of Atlanta, we heard a monkey at a neighbor's house. I have no idea what neighbor around me has a monkey because I've never heard it before, but we both heard it plain as day.
So yes, Amanda thought we would have good tours, good art and good food. Instead she experienced contractors, a grocery store, visiting someone in the hospital, and Roasters.
Tomorrow I will tell y'all about the party and how One Fabulous Mama almost ran over my feet with her mini-van and she slightly damaged a part of my house. Apparently we were trying to be like my niece. On a much smaller scale.
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