Everything is stupid.

Last week my life was stupid.  Kind of like the week before that.  And this week.  And probably next week too.

My personality is such that when I decide I want to do something, I want to do it RIGHT NOW.  Not next week.  Not even tomorrow.  I want to get it done today.

Last Monday I was going through my emails and realized I had a coupon for World Market that was expiring that night and it was for 25% of my entire purchase.  World Market is one of my favorite stores on earth and I decided on the spot that I needed to buy furniture for my back deck.  Last year I bought a grill from a friend of mine and a table and chairs from Target, but I have a very long deck and it still looked empty.

I drove to World Market's Buckhead location after work because it's 5 minutes from my office and I found an outdoor loveseat, coffee table, two wicker chairs, a mosaic tile bistro table, an umbrella and about 5648963134 outdoor pillows.  But then they told me they didn't have the coffee table or the mosaic tile table in stock and couldn't sell their floor samples so I could buy them online that night and use my coupon, but then I would have to pay shipping and they warned me the shipping charges are expensive and it would probably be a wash of what I saved using the coupon.  Two very nice associates had been helping me and one of them told me she'd be happy to help me load everything they did have in stock into my SUV when I finished checking out.  As I was checking out, she ran back over to me and said she had solved my problem.  She told me two other stores in Atlanta had those tables in stock so I could call one of them, have them hold the tables for me, drive over and pay for them that night so that I could get the 25% off, and then ask them to hold them for me again because there was no way they would fit in my car with everything else that night.  I could then go back and pick them up another night after work.  But using my 25% off coupon that night at two different stores saved me almost $350.  Woot woot!

And that is the story of how I looked like the Beverly Hillbillies driving from Buckhead to Dunwoody and then back downtown to my house on Monday night.  Y'all, my car has never been so stuffed.  I could barely see out of any windows because pillows and a loveseat and chairs were piled high.  I then had to go back to Dunwoody after work on Tuesday night to pick up my other two tables.  And then I begged my brother and niece to come over this weekend to help me assemble the loveseat and the bistro table.  It's not that I don't know how, but it's difficult to hold pieces in place while you're also trying to screw stuff and I need an extra set of hands.  Plus I haven't seen them since Christmas so I want to hang out with them and then I'll treat them to dinner for helping me.

I then went to Lowe's on Wednesday night because I was going to buy some sort of spray paint sealant to protect my new furniture from the weather and I needed a mask because I planned to try and scrub the living daylights out of a tile floor in my house that my cat had pretty much ruined when she had her tummy issues before she died.  And I didn't really want to breathe in cat poo particles and catch some weird disease.  And this was just to pre-clean it before I had it professionally cleaned.  Y'all it was a mess.  I had kept the door shut since she died in January because I didn't want to smell it and I didn't want to look at it.

While I was in Lowe's, I struck up a conversation with a guy in there about deadbolts because I have a deadbolt problem.  I've been in my house for 2.5 years and 3 deadbolts have broken in my front door.  The first one literally fell into pieces one night as the door was being locked by my cousin.  The second one got to where the thing you turn to lock it would just spin around in circles and it wouldn't lock.  And now a third one is just spinning around.  I asked him if my door could just be out of alignment or something and he said it probably is and to have a contractor come look at it.  Then I told him the paint is cracking ALL over my house.  Upstairs.  Downstairs.  There are cracks between the panels in some of my doors.  The paint is cracking in my bead board.  But the paint on drywall is not cracking.  He said I probably have settlement issues.  I told him my house is just shy of 100-years-old and I would think it should be settled by now.  I was thinking it was a humidity issue or something. 

I left Lowe's after buying a pizza stone to use on my grill, spray paint to paint two ugly little plastic chairs and a table I bought from Ikea years ago that I also want to use on the deck, spray paint to paint another thing I want to hang on the wall out on my deck, and a candle holder thing for outside.

I forgot to buy the sealant and the mask.  The only two things I went in there for.

So on Thursday night I went to Home Depot to buy sealant and a mask.  Thankfully I remembered those things, but I also bought a second umbrella because I decided I needed two of them on my deck, an umbrella stand, and I don't even remember what else but it was $165 worth of crap.

And then on Friday I was able to schedule Stanley Steemer to come out on Saturday to steam clean my tile floors to get rid of all the evidence Bailey left behind.  So when I got home from work on Friday night I spent about two hours trying to pre-clean the floors in my sun room and I honestly can't think of anything I've done that's quite so disgusting in a very long time.  And right then and there I decided two things:

1.  I honestly don't think I will ever have another inside pet again as long as I live.
2.  I don't have enough furniture in that room and I can probably pull my new loveseat, coffee table and wicker chairs into the sun room when I'm not using them outside on the deck so I really didn't need to stop and buy that sealant on Thursday night after all because they won't really be sitting out in rain, etc..

Stanley Steemer came to my house on Saturday afternoon and they scrubbed and scraped and deodorized and cleaned.  I also had them clean the tile of my guest bathroom.  My floors look so good, y'all!  And they said they have seen worse because they could tell I was so embarrassed to show them that room. 

Sunday it rained all day here in Atlanta so I stayed home and walked into my sun room approximately every 10 minutes and grinned from ear to ear because the floor is clean.

I'm having a sex toy party at my house one night in April.  Oh yes I am.  One Fabulous Mama is now selling sex toys and she was looking for people to hosts parties for her and I volunteered.  June wants to come but she has a conflict that night.  I'm hoping she can get rid of the conflict and come down for the weekend and I'll let y'all know if she does.  We emailed each other about it yesterday for a while.  I just love her! 

Anyway, I talked to my contractor on Friday night just before I spent an exciting evening scrubbing floors ruined by cat shit and I asked him if he can come the day of my party to go over a few things in my house because I'm going to try and take the whole day off of work:  he refinished my deck for me last June and used a new product which is peeling off and looks all mildewed and crappy so he's going to see what he needs to do with it, he'll check out my front door/deadbolt situation, I have two electrical outlets on my deck that don't work, my gutters need cleaned out, and he's going to see if he can figure out why my house is cracking and (he also thinks it's a humidity issue and that I may need to have insulation blown in my crawl space and attic).

Let's hope he's gone before the sex toys start showing up.  He's a very nice Christian man.

I was also going to tell y'all about my huge ridiculous battle with the water department that happened last week.  They suddenly decided my house is a duplex and I had just moved into Unit B and that I needed to come down in person to fill out an application to open up an account that day or my water would be turned off.  Even though I've been a customer and had an account for almost 13 years.  But I will write about that whole stupid thing next time.