Once again, I'm going to have to blaze through writing this post because I'm sneaking it in at work and I have to leave early today because if I don't I will have overtime. Overtime is not looked upon very fondly around these parts.
Before I start though, do y'all ever go back and re-read the comments here? Because sometimes (not all of the time) I reply to y'all but then I started thinking y'all may not ever see when I reply to your questions.
So in case you don't go back to the comments, here are some answers to your questions from my post a couple of days ago (or you can go read the comments and read here but it will sound repetitive because I'm, you know, repeating what I already said in the comments):
No, I have no idea how long the fake children will be staying with me. The girl fake child is working but bless her heart (yes, I mean that in the southern way which isn't necessarily a good thing), she had done no research as to how much it would cost to rent an apartment, buy furniture to furnish the apartment, buy sheets, towels, bed linens, dishes, pots/pans, etc. to live every day, pay deposits on an apartment, pay deposits on utilities, pay for utilities each month, put gas in her car, insure her car, feed themselves, etc. and so when the lady she's working for asked her how much she wanted to make she threw a number out there and that's what she's getting paid. And it might pay for a really cheap apartment rent and food and that's pretty much it. She was so excited because it sounded like a whole lot of money to them and I hated to burst her bubble, but I had to. I had tried to tell them how much stuff here would cost but I don't think she had really added it all up and didn't have a grand total in her mind. So I've told them they can stay with me until they can afford all of that stuff by getting a higher paying job but they have to pay for all of the groceries and help me clean the house while they are with me. They are actually super motivated to get a lot of stuff done, but America is way different than what they're used to so it's just taking a while to get on their feet. And the three of us have had a few tense moments, but we're working it all out and things are okay. It's just exhausting having people in your house for an extended period of time.
As far as the party, do y'all know that people who have two kids actually throw parties sometimes?? I am fine throwing a party with the kids still there. I just didn't want to do it the same weekend I had 4 family members also staying at my house because here's the deal with these particular family members: I love them all dearly, but they don't stick to a schedule. At all. The last time they came they told me they'd be at my house by 5 and I almost took part of the day off work so I could be home when they got there. But then I remembered they would NEVER be there by 5. They got to my house at 1:00 a.m. Yes, EIGHT HOURS LATE. They only live a 6 hour drive from me. And if they tell me they need to be on the road by 9 a.m., I know they'll leave my house by 2 p.m. or 3 p.m. They are always many hours behind. And if I had a party scheduled when they were staying with me I can promise you y'all would show up at my house and I'd still be in my pajamas with my hair up in a scrunchy bun on top of my head wearing my fuzzy bedroom shoes and cleaning up the kitchen from breakfast and I would have no party stuff ready even if the party started at 3. Another time they were here we had plans to go somewhere around 10:00 a.m. and we finally left for the activity at 4:00 p.m. and then we were late getting to a dinner that night. I wish I was exaggerating this even a little bit but I am not. Again, I love them to pieces but sticking to a schedule is not on their list of strong points.
So if y'all do want to have a birthday party, I'm all for it even with fake kids. But it would need to be on July 20th and not the 13th. But if y'all don't want to party like it's 1999, just let me know. Maybe we could convince June to come though......
Okay. So about my feet. What? Fake kids, party talk and feet all in one post? Why yes.
I just had to stop talking to y'all to work on a document for my boss so that just cut into my blogging time and I might STILL not finish this post before I have to leave work.
Like our favorite blogger, June, I have the feet problem. The plantar fascias or however the heck you spell it. I got it from teaching at the paint studio where I stood and walked on concrete floors and a plywood stage for hours and hours several nights a week for 5 years. When I broke my humerus last year, I had to stop working there. I also wore some super unattractive shoes because I was trying to wear rubber soled shoes so I wouldn't fall and break something else and to try and help my feet which were always in excruciating pain. And one night I was putting on these ugly ass shoes and I flipped one of them over on its side and fell anyway. My bed was right there so I flung out my good arm to catch myself. But I forgot my bed frame was on wheels and I had hardwood floors so my bed started quickly flying across the floor as I screamed and then flopped myself down on my face on the bed and right on my horribly broken arm because that seemed like a better option than falling on my face all the way down on the floor. And when I went to the doctor that week (I had to go every single week for about 2 months - SUCKED) and they x-rayed my arm, the doc said, "it looks like your bone pieces moved a little this week." And I replied, "could that possibly be from when I fell on my face a few days ago? Again." And he said it would be best if I could stay on my feet and stop falling on my face. Which, how did he get so smart? They must have taught him that in fancy medical school. Anyway, this was supposed to be about my feet and not about me trying to break my face.
So I wore those ugly ass shoes for almost 9 months straight while I recovered and I stopped walking and standing on concrete and plywood for 20+ hours per week and lo and behold my feet didn't hurt every single day. Only sometimes. And then my dad died and my brother and I had to clean out his house and then I broke my wrist and got whiplash so I was still not working at the studio because I was dealing with other crap. And suddenly I realized my feet hardly ever hurt anymore. And angels sang. Because y'all the pain from this foot stuff is unbelievable.
But then my fake kids came and I've been trying to show them around Atlanta and some of the cool stuff we have here. Two or three weeks ago I took them to Stone Mountain Park to the laser show. And even though we got there 3 hours before it started, the parking lots were full and we had to walk approximately 94753945794 miles. And I stupidly wore flip flops and I have been in tears for the past several weeks trying to walk. It's actually been the worst it's ever been. I've had to hold onto the walls in my house because I've felt like I was going to fall my feet hurt so much.
So now I'm back in my ugly ass shoes trying to fix my feet again. So if we have a party I will try to wear cute shoes that day but I might be in my ugly ass shoes.
Then my neck started hurting really bad again. I had a massage at the chiropractor and it feels even worse from that. Then I slammed my good arm into a door knob two days ago and it's bruised so bad I could cry every single time I touch it. And my shoulder that was hurt last year when I broke my arm is hurting again from some of the physical therapy I'm doing for my wrist. And my entire left calf hurts from walking weird because my feet are so hurt-y.
And I hate everything.
And I have to leave work right now so I have to end this post. I will try to sneak in some more blogging this weekend if my fake kids are doing something else. I have plans Sunday morning to meet some friends for brunch, but that's all I have planned. And the angels sang because I might get to sit on my ass and rest for a minute.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
My life is the same as the last time I wrote.....crazy as crap.
Well, it's time for me to admit something. I need to stop the Music Monday contest until I can get my crap together enough to post more regularly. I can't blog at home right now because of the two fake kids I have. I can't have them finding out about my blog. And work has been crazy busy and I haven't had time to write up a post here. I need my job to pay for the house that keeps falling apart (yes, something else is going wrong with my house - more on that in a minute) and pay for higher utilities, etc. while I have temporary fake kids so I can't get in trouble at work by blogging. I even spend my lunch hours doing stupid stuff like chiropractor visits, making calls for the kids to figure out stuff, etc. So I'm going to put Music Monday on hiatus. And this post is going to be short and quick because I am busy, busy, busy and I have to stampede to physical therapy in 10 minutes (so ignore all the typos I'm sure you will find).
Before I forget, do y'all want to have the Third Annual Atlanta Satellite Birthday Party for June at my house? I'd love to do it! But here's the thing. Her birthday is the 13th, right? I have my younger brother's family in town that weekend (2 adults and 2 MORE KIDS) and I can handle quite a bit: I've handled working full-time while having a humerus broken in 4 places, I've lived in a house during major construction, I survived 10 years with my crappy ex-husband, and I'm currently surviving parenting two fake kids and a geriatric cat with chronic diarrhea , but I'm scared I would crumble into a heaping pile of crying if I had two fake kids, a family of 4 staying in my house and a party to throw all in the same day. Could we do it either the weekend before or the weekend after? I'm guessing the weekend after would be better because the weekend before is kind of close to July 4th and people may have plans. I will probably still have two fake kids, but the girl one normally works on Saturdays and the boy one would probably be completely terrified of a house full of women and would most likely stay in his room all day and ignore us (and it's okay because he seems to enjoy staying in his room and ignoring me unless he's eating everything he can get his hands on, making a mess somewhere in my house or needs me to drive him somewhere). There is also a VERY slight chance my mom may be in town that weekend but she would love to meet y'all and I can put her to work
Speaking of physical therapy (I was two paragraphs ago so try to keep up), guess who I saw last week at therapy? No, it's not a celebrity even though my therapy place treats the professional Atlanta soccer team and Broadway dancers (not that I would know any Broadway dancers if I saw any). I saw Google maps dude! I was squeezing something or stretching something or, you know, something, and I heard a guy next to me say, "HEY!!! How are you? I remember you!" And I looked and said, "HEY! I remember you too! Look at us - both back in therapy again!" We chatted off and on throughout our session (he and his wife are expecting their first baby any day now) and suddenly I found myself asking, "so, is your Google maps picture as awful as you thought it would be?" And he said, "huh?" For a minute I thought I was losing my mind but I asked him if he wasn't the guy with the boob sweat, NASCAR hat, tool belt wearing Google maps photo and he exclaimed, "YES!! That is me! And it's truly awful. But it will only be on the internet for 4 more years!" And then he proceeded to walk behind the counter with one of the therapists so he could pull the photo up and show it to me. Y'all, it is the most hysterical thing I've ever seen on Google maps. And yes, I made a mental note of his address and I pulled it up here at work a couple of days later when I was having a bad day and it made me laugh all over again. And no, I'm not going to tell y'all his address here on my blog for you to see it because that would be a super crappy thing of me to do, but if you come to the birthday party I will try to remember to show it to you at my house.
Did I tell y'all two of my bathtubs have started leaking in the past couple of weeks? Yes, my house still hates me and also thinks I have a money tree growing in the back yard to keep paying to fix crap that breaks every single time I turn around. Also, a shelf in my refrigeratore fell apart last weekend when the girl fake child was opening a drawer. That shelf is probably tired of getting such a workout with as much as these kids eat. And do you know what she said, "I'm hungry. Can't you fix that after we eat?" as I was trying to fix the shelf that she knocked apart. If looks could kill......
And crap, I now have to fly out of here to get to therapy and I promise I will try to finish this post tomorrow. I have so much more to tell.....don't those of you not on facebook with me want to hear about how I found two gnawed up ribs and an empty condom box in the street in front of my house last night? Okay, well, that's pretty much the whole story. But I have more stories from the past two weeks. Like how someone got shot a block from my office today while I was at lunch. And my feet. A story about my feet. Riveting stuff.
Before I forget, do y'all want to have the Third Annual Atlanta Satellite Birthday Party for June at my house? I'd love to do it! But here's the thing. Her birthday is the 13th, right? I have my younger brother's family in town that weekend (2 adults and 2 MORE KIDS) and I can handle quite a bit: I've handled working full-time while having a humerus broken in 4 places, I've lived in a house during major construction, I survived 10 years with my crappy ex-husband, and I'm currently surviving parenting two fake kids and a geriatric cat with chronic diarrhea , but I'm scared I would crumble into a heaping pile of crying if I had two fake kids, a family of 4 staying in my house and a party to throw all in the same day. Could we do it either the weekend before or the weekend after? I'm guessing the weekend after would be better because the weekend before is kind of close to July 4th and people may have plans. I will probably still have two fake kids, but the girl one normally works on Saturdays and the boy one would probably be completely terrified of a house full of women and would most likely stay in his room all day and ignore us (and it's okay because he seems to enjoy staying in his room and ignoring me unless he's eating everything he can get his hands on, making a mess somewhere in my house or needs me to drive him somewhere). There is also a VERY slight chance my mom may be in town that weekend but she would love to meet y'all and I can put her to work
Speaking of physical therapy (I was two paragraphs ago so try to keep up), guess who I saw last week at therapy? No, it's not a celebrity even though my therapy place treats the professional Atlanta soccer team and Broadway dancers (not that I would know any Broadway dancers if I saw any). I saw Google maps dude! I was squeezing something or stretching something or, you know, something, and I heard a guy next to me say, "HEY!!! How are you? I remember you!" And I looked and said, "HEY! I remember you too! Look at us - both back in therapy again!" We chatted off and on throughout our session (he and his wife are expecting their first baby any day now) and suddenly I found myself asking, "so, is your Google maps picture as awful as you thought it would be?" And he said, "huh?" For a minute I thought I was losing my mind but I asked him if he wasn't the guy with the boob sweat, NASCAR hat, tool belt wearing Google maps photo and he exclaimed, "YES!! That is me! And it's truly awful. But it will only be on the internet for 4 more years!" And then he proceeded to walk behind the counter with one of the therapists so he could pull the photo up and show it to me. Y'all, it is the most hysterical thing I've ever seen on Google maps. And yes, I made a mental note of his address and I pulled it up here at work a couple of days later when I was having a bad day and it made me laugh all over again. And no, I'm not going to tell y'all his address here on my blog for you to see it because that would be a super crappy thing of me to do, but if you come to the birthday party I will try to remember to show it to you at my house.
Did I tell y'all two of my bathtubs have started leaking in the past couple of weeks? Yes, my house still hates me and also thinks I have a money tree growing in the back yard to keep paying to fix crap that breaks every single time I turn around. Also, a shelf in my refrigeratore fell apart last weekend when the girl fake child was opening a drawer. That shelf is probably tired of getting such a workout with as much as these kids eat. And do you know what she said, "I'm hungry. Can't you fix that after we eat?" as I was trying to fix the shelf that she knocked apart. If looks could kill......
And crap, I now have to fly out of here to get to therapy and I promise I will try to finish this post tomorrow. I have so much more to tell.....don't those of you not on facebook with me want to hear about how I found two gnawed up ribs and an empty condom box in the street in front of my house last night? Okay, well, that's pretty much the whole story. But I have more stories from the past two weeks. Like how someone got shot a block from my office today while I was at lunch. And my feet. A story about my feet. Riveting stuff.
Monday, June 3, 2013
My finger is getting quite the workout and should be in excellent shape soon.
Do y'all want to play Music Monday again? We'll start back today but I'll get to it in a bit.
Lemme tell y'all about my exciting weekend first. Okay, let me tell you about my pretty normal and not very interesting weekend. Because it wasn't really all that exciting.
Well, let's not do that first. Let's talk about something else for a minute.
Why no, I've never been diagnosed with ADHD. Why would you even wonder such a thing?
FIRST, let's talk about this: how do you parents do this for years and years and years? These are not even my kids and they're grown enough that I don't have to change diapers or anything like that (they're 18 and 21 - I don't need to change diapers, right? 'Cause I haven't been doing that but I'm brand new at parenting) but I'm completely exhausted y'all! And why are kids so damned messy? I now totally understand when people say they can't have nice things because they have kids. Between the two temporary kids I have and a geriatric cat with stomach issues, I feel like I clean every single second I'm not at work or asleep. Or in physical therapy. Or at the chiropractor. Or driving the kids to Target or Walmart or the grocery store or to drop them off at the train station or to pick them up at the train station or to take them to church or to take them to a job interview. My word. How do y'all do this and not give them away after a little while? I've only been doing it for 5.5 weeks and I feel like I need an entire year of solitude and vacation.
They bought a car. But they haven't gotten it insured or registered yet. And the girl has been waiting on her international drivers license which I never knew existed until I called around to find out what they have to do and what documentation they need to get a license here. One day last week while I was at work they decided to go get groceries which I appreciate, but they drove their car to the store. With no valid license. No insurance. And no registration. Oh I yelled. I waved my finger in their faces (that's a parent thing I should be doing a lot of, right?). And I told them if they get arrested I will let their butts sit in jail and rot there because I can't afford to bail them out. And I told them to enjoy their flight back to Brazil when they get deported. (That's something y'all probably can't use to threaten your kids but I'm using it to my advantage. See? I'm learning this parenting thing rather quickly!) Actually, we all kind of got a big laugh out of it and they thought I was hilarious when I was yelling at them and telling them they would get arrested and I'd leave them in jail and that they'd probably get deported. But they got the message. They won't drive the car again until it's legal.
They actually are really good kids, but they are keeping me busy, busy, busy (I put that in on the off chance June is reading so she can love me). And I was already busy, busy, busy enough on my own. What are some good vitamins for energy? Because I need to swallow them by the truckload every morning.
So our weekend was not the most exciting. I had physical therapy after work on Friday night because I know how to have a good time. Unfortunately, she said I should not have stopped wearing my splint/brace thing all cold turkey like I did even though my doctor told me I could, but she bartered with me. I don't have to wear it while I'm working so that I can type, but I have to wear it all of the other time. Like when I'm driving those kids all over Atlanta. And wagging my finger in their faces and yelling and threatening them with deportation.
After PT, I went for an hour of solitude and got a pedicure. And I didn't fall down afterwards and break anything. A girl came in the salon 15 minutes after they officially closed (I was done but sitting there waiting for my toes to dry and they were still finishing up a lot of other people). They agreed to take her for a mani and pedi even though they were closed and where do you think they had her sit? Right beside me. That's how I came to hear her getting all snippy with the girl who was starting on her pedi by telling her to go find someone to start her mani RIGHT NOW because she needed to be somewhere and they were taking too long. I got up and left at that point so that I didn't punch her in her junk and get put in jail where I would rot for a while and then get deported to Brazil. (I think jail threats should be fair and work both ways between temporary parents and temporary children.)
My female child has a job as a nanny and she had to work on Saturday. So my male child and I cleaned. ALL DAY because kids make houses messy. Were y'all all aware of this? I spent almost half the day just on my kitchen. They cook but let's just say they are not the neatest cooks on planet earth. And I appreciate them emptying the dishwasher (after some finger wagging on my part and me explaining to them that I didn't actually give birth to them, that I'm giving them a free place to stay, and that they are not paying me to be their maid), etc. but I'm constantly trying to figure out where they have put stuff so I went through cabinets putting things back where they belong and I completely straightened the pantry because they just throw everything on one shelf all on top of everything else and it was MAKING ME BATSHIT CRAZY. Especially since my pantry has a french door so you can't hide it when it's messy.
So we cleaned all day.
On Sunday I went to a brunch baby shower. One of my bosses and his wife are expecting their first baby at the end of the month. So I went and hung out at a baby shower with a whole bunch of attorneys and their spouses. It was fun since I don't spend all day every day hanging out with attorneys or anything.
Then I came home and had a headache so I laid down for 45 minutes. The kids and I went to church last night. The church gave us free popsicles to celebrate the beginning of summer because I go to a super cool church. They are from a gourmet popsicle maker called King of Pops and the kids missed the part on the sign that said the chocolate ones had sea salt in them. And boy were they surprised when they bit into their pops. The girl child (I have to come up with better blog names for them) liked it after she ate for a while and got used to it. The boy child hated it. Apparently Brazilians do not mix chocolate and salt. Because they are not as cool as us.
Then we went out for bar-b-q because I've been craving it for about 3 weeks (no I'm not pregnant. I get my children when they are grown already. Are you paying attention at all?)
So yeah. That was the exciting weekend.
Let's get to Music Monday now! This week's theme is as follows: The songs you submit must be related to parenting. I have a couple in mind already but let's see what y'all can come up with.
Lemme tell y'all about my exciting weekend first. Okay, let me tell you about my pretty normal and not very interesting weekend. Because it wasn't really all that exciting.
Well, let's not do that first. Let's talk about something else for a minute.
Why no, I've never been diagnosed with ADHD. Why would you even wonder such a thing?
FIRST, let's talk about this: how do you parents do this for years and years and years? These are not even my kids and they're grown enough that I don't have to change diapers or anything like that (they're 18 and 21 - I don't need to change diapers, right? 'Cause I haven't been doing that but I'm brand new at parenting) but I'm completely exhausted y'all! And why are kids so damned messy? I now totally understand when people say they can't have nice things because they have kids. Between the two temporary kids I have and a geriatric cat with stomach issues, I feel like I clean every single second I'm not at work or asleep. Or in physical therapy. Or at the chiropractor. Or driving the kids to Target or Walmart or the grocery store or to drop them off at the train station or to pick them up at the train station or to take them to church or to take them to a job interview. My word. How do y'all do this and not give them away after a little while? I've only been doing it for 5.5 weeks and I feel like I need an entire year of solitude and vacation.
They bought a car. But they haven't gotten it insured or registered yet. And the girl has been waiting on her international drivers license which I never knew existed until I called around to find out what they have to do and what documentation they need to get a license here. One day last week while I was at work they decided to go get groceries which I appreciate, but they drove their car to the store. With no valid license. No insurance. And no registration. Oh I yelled. I waved my finger in their faces (that's a parent thing I should be doing a lot of, right?). And I told them if they get arrested I will let their butts sit in jail and rot there because I can't afford to bail them out. And I told them to enjoy their flight back to Brazil when they get deported. (That's something y'all probably can't use to threaten your kids but I'm using it to my advantage. See? I'm learning this parenting thing rather quickly!) Actually, we all kind of got a big laugh out of it and they thought I was hilarious when I was yelling at them and telling them they would get arrested and I'd leave them in jail and that they'd probably get deported. But they got the message. They won't drive the car again until it's legal.
They actually are really good kids, but they are keeping me busy, busy, busy (I put that in on the off chance June is reading so she can love me). And I was already busy, busy, busy enough on my own. What are some good vitamins for energy? Because I need to swallow them by the truckload every morning.
So our weekend was not the most exciting. I had physical therapy after work on Friday night because I know how to have a good time. Unfortunately, she said I should not have stopped wearing my splint/brace thing all cold turkey like I did even though my doctor told me I could, but she bartered with me. I don't have to wear it while I'm working so that I can type, but I have to wear it all of the other time. Like when I'm driving those kids all over Atlanta. And wagging my finger in their faces and yelling and threatening them with deportation.
After PT, I went for an hour of solitude and got a pedicure. And I didn't fall down afterwards and break anything. A girl came in the salon 15 minutes after they officially closed (I was done but sitting there waiting for my toes to dry and they were still finishing up a lot of other people). They agreed to take her for a mani and pedi even though they were closed and where do you think they had her sit? Right beside me. That's how I came to hear her getting all snippy with the girl who was starting on her pedi by telling her to go find someone to start her mani RIGHT NOW because she needed to be somewhere and they were taking too long. I got up and left at that point so that I didn't punch her in her junk and get put in jail where I would rot for a while and then get deported to Brazil. (I think jail threats should be fair and work both ways between temporary parents and temporary children.)
My female child has a job as a nanny and she had to work on Saturday. So my male child and I cleaned. ALL DAY because kids make houses messy. Were y'all all aware of this? I spent almost half the day just on my kitchen. They cook but let's just say they are not the neatest cooks on planet earth. And I appreciate them emptying the dishwasher (after some finger wagging on my part and me explaining to them that I didn't actually give birth to them, that I'm giving them a free place to stay, and that they are not paying me to be their maid), etc. but I'm constantly trying to figure out where they have put stuff so I went through cabinets putting things back where they belong and I completely straightened the pantry because they just throw everything on one shelf all on top of everything else and it was MAKING ME BATSHIT CRAZY. Especially since my pantry has a french door so you can't hide it when it's messy.
So we cleaned all day.
On Sunday I went to a brunch baby shower. One of my bosses and his wife are expecting their first baby at the end of the month. So I went and hung out at a baby shower with a whole bunch of attorneys and their spouses. It was fun since I don't spend all day every day hanging out with attorneys or anything.
Then I came home and had a headache so I laid down for 45 minutes. The kids and I went to church last night. The church gave us free popsicles to celebrate the beginning of summer because I go to a super cool church. They are from a gourmet popsicle maker called King of Pops and the kids missed the part on the sign that said the chocolate ones had sea salt in them. And boy were they surprised when they bit into their pops. The girl child (I have to come up with better blog names for them) liked it after she ate for a while and got used to it. The boy child hated it. Apparently Brazilians do not mix chocolate and salt. Because they are not as cool as us.
Then we went out for bar-b-q because I've been craving it for about 3 weeks (no I'm not pregnant. I get my children when they are grown already. Are you paying attention at all?)
So yeah. That was the exciting weekend.
Let's get to Music Monday now! This week's theme is as follows: The songs you submit must be related to parenting. I have a couple in mind already but let's see what y'all can come up with.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Surprise! It's a girl and a boy!
Wow. How do I possibly catch up on all that has happened since I last posted. ON MARCH 8TH!!
I will do my best. Go get something to drink because I have a feeling this will be wordy. I'm only going to discuss the big things that have happened. Trust me. It's been a big thing type of couple of months.
On March 13th at 3:00 a.m. I was really, really thirsty. I didn't want to turn on the bright light and get really, really awake when I walked downstairs to get some water. So I walked down the stairs with my cell phone to light the way. I made it to the landing just fine. As I started to step down on the very last step, my cat came flying past me and broke my concentration just enough that I fell. I broke my wrist. I sprained my middle back. I got whiplash to the point that for two days I was unable to hold my head up and then I fell asleep with a heating pad on it and blistered my neck. I now have two of the most spectacularly stupid broken arm stories to tell at parties: "Well, you see - one February I tripped over my flip flop in a crack in the sidewalk after a pedicure, flew headfirst into the front door of the Five Guys Burgers I was walking past, broke my humerus in 4 places, went by bumpy ambulance to the hospital and spent a total of almost 9 months in body braces, casts, slings, and physical therapy. Then 5 months later my cat made me fall down a step and break the same arm but in a different place, sprain my back and get whiplash." I went to my cute neighbor girl's birthday party/annual crawfish boil at the end of March and people who had been there last year said, "Um, weren't you in a cast at this party last year?" YES! YES, I WAS annoying observant people with good memories.....
So I was in a cast for a month. Then I was in a splint for a month and now I have to wear the splint for the next month only when I lift something or if it's bothering me. (I didn't blog because after typing with mostly one hand all day at work, I was not up for typing an entire blog post. Plus I'm not good at blogging regularly.) I now go to the chiropractor 2 or 3 times per week. And I now go to physical therapy 2 times per week. I feel like I'm 120 years old and everything is falling apart. I'm going to the same physical therapist I went to last year. Yes, she laughed at me a little bit for being back so soon. Then she analyzed and evaluated my wrist and hand and told me we have a lot more work to do than I expected she was going to tell me I needed. She compared my broken side with the non-broken one and just as an example, with my right hand I could squeeze 78 lbs of pressure. My left? 28 pounds. And she measured angles of how far I could bend both hands. One of them was 50 degrees on my right hand and only 15 degrees on the left. Oh boy.
Two days after I broke my wrist, my office was moved to our post-remodel floor. So someone had to pack my entire desk up for me and he loved me so bad it hurt. Not as much as my wrist, back and neck hurt though. But I could feel the love oozing from his pores because he had to pack up my stuff.
Then he had to unpack it all at my new desk. And I could see cute little puffy hearts floating in the air above his head because his love for me was so great.
I finally got my car all fixed. I know you've all been waiting on the edge of your seats to hear about that. $1,400. I don't even want to talk about it because that dollar amount makes me want to sob, so you're off the hook hearing all the boring car stuff.
Then I hosted the Atlanta Pie Peeps at my house in April (some of you probably already saw the photos on June's blog) and I got to see Tee, Sadie, Fay and we met the lovely, sweet, awesome PJ and I honestly felt like I had known her for all my life. One of my friends came and joined us and she loved everyone. And thankfully my geriatric cat with chronic tummy issues didn't do anything embarassing during the party. Poor Tee was suffering from horrible allergies and she stole one of my spoons y'all. You should not invite Thief Tee to your house. She just helps herself to your silverware. Ha! It accidentally got stuck in her dish she brought and she boxed it up nicely and delivered it back to my front porch in a matter of a couple of days which she totally didn't have to do. But Tee is a sweet lady.
Five days after the Pie party, I inherited a couple of kids.
Y'all, this is SUCH a crazy and involved and long story and it's not my place to explain it all here on my blog, but Hot Brazilian thought he would be back here by now and two of his kids moved here but he's still stuck in the jungle so they have been staying at my house for almost a month. And they don't know the extent of just how close and involved Hot Brazilian and I are so they think we are just friends. And Fay is now not a fan of HB so I told her we need to go out to dinner so I can tell her the whole story so she won't dislike him because it really isn't his fault. He is one of the most awesome people on the planet and I know this all sounds so insane. Because it IS insane. And I'm, um, you know, um....adjusting to some major changes in my life. Fay! Call me! Seriously, I want to have dinner just so we can hang out together, but I also don't want you to think poorly of HB.
I'm teaching them all about American culture. I'm helping them look at schools, find jobs, taking them to job interviews, helping them buy a car (no, I'm not paying, just teaching them how to buy one here), how to get a drivers license, car registration, car insurance, looking for apartments, how to clean when you don't live in a concrete building and can't just throw water all over the walls and floor and watch it go down a drain (they had never vacuumed and didn't even know what a mop was. HA!), and basically everything else they need to know to establish a life here in the U.S. And do y'all know what? I AM EXHAUSTED. Between that, working full-time, physical therapy, chiropractor visits, the five commissioned paintings I am supposed to be doing, and not being able to run around my house with no bra on, I am worn slap out.
And my mom and an aunt came and stayed with us for a few days too. So naturally that's when one of my water heaters broke. A guy came out while it was pouring rain to fix it so that's how I also found out my crawl space has been flooding during heavy rainstorms. So then I suddenly found myself hiring him to put some flashing on my deck, re-route some gutters, and before I knew it, told him to go ahead and completely refinish my deck while he was at it. He got my water heater re-lit. My mom took a shower and then it broke again. So then I hired him to replace some parts on the water heater.
And then my one-year-old stupid expensive stove broke.
I came home Monday night, walked in the front door and it was sparking, clicking, beeping, numbers were flashing, etc. And the girl child I suddenly inherited was cooking on it like it was okay. Argh! I screamed at her to turn it off, called Jenn-Air, got flustered with the sweet southern accented lady who told me to pull off the decorative plate under the oven, crawl on my hands and knees (I was still in my maxi dress that I have accidentally stepped on resulting in me having flashed a security guard at work while wearing it and I was crawling around on the floor in it, sweating profusely, with this annoying non-stop beeping going on and with an 18-year-old boy in the room watching me) and try to read the smallest writing in the world on a label way back halfway under the stove where it was dark, then she asked me if I could look at my registration card (who the hell knows where that is?), find my receipt to get some information off of it, try to flip the breaker off, leave it off for 30 seconds and turn it back on and then argued with me when I told her it was still beeping and the screen on the stove didn't say what she said it should, so I got snippy with her, held the phone down to the stove so she could hear the stupidly annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP I had been listening to for 30 minutes by that time, and I hated everyone and everything. She finally said, flip the breaker off and we'll get a service rep out there. THANK YOU ANNOYING SOUTHERN ACCENT LADY!
Yesterday the stove worked perfectly.
But I kept the service call scheduled for this morning. He said a couple of parts need to be replaced but naturally they have to be ordered and I have to have another service call in a couple of weeks but the good news is my stove is apparently not going to blow my house up.
He left and then as I was driving to work a guy called and said he would be at my house shortly to fix my stove. And I said, "oh, the parts are available today?" And he said, "Huh?" We eventually figured out they scheduled two different people to come fix my stove. I must have been snippier than I thought and that poor lady on the phone wanted to be absolutely sure I got my stove looked at!
That should catch you up on the bigger things that have been happening in my life.
How are all of you? I do still plan to do Music Monday again. Maybe this next week!
I will do my best. Go get something to drink because I have a feeling this will be wordy. I'm only going to discuss the big things that have happened. Trust me. It's been a big thing type of couple of months.
On March 13th at 3:00 a.m. I was really, really thirsty. I didn't want to turn on the bright light and get really, really awake when I walked downstairs to get some water. So I walked down the stairs with my cell phone to light the way. I made it to the landing just fine. As I started to step down on the very last step, my cat came flying past me and broke my concentration just enough that I fell. I broke my wrist. I sprained my middle back. I got whiplash to the point that for two days I was unable to hold my head up and then I fell asleep with a heating pad on it and blistered my neck. I now have two of the most spectacularly stupid broken arm stories to tell at parties: "Well, you see - one February I tripped over my flip flop in a crack in the sidewalk after a pedicure, flew headfirst into the front door of the Five Guys Burgers I was walking past, broke my humerus in 4 places, went by bumpy ambulance to the hospital and spent a total of almost 9 months in body braces, casts, slings, and physical therapy. Then 5 months later my cat made me fall down a step and break the same arm but in a different place, sprain my back and get whiplash." I went to my cute neighbor girl's birthday party/annual crawfish boil at the end of March and people who had been there last year said, "Um, weren't you in a cast at this party last year?" YES! YES, I WAS annoying observant people with good memories.....
So I was in a cast for a month. Then I was in a splint for a month and now I have to wear the splint for the next month only when I lift something or if it's bothering me. (I didn't blog because after typing with mostly one hand all day at work, I was not up for typing an entire blog post. Plus I'm not good at blogging regularly.) I now go to the chiropractor 2 or 3 times per week. And I now go to physical therapy 2 times per week. I feel like I'm 120 years old and everything is falling apart. I'm going to the same physical therapist I went to last year. Yes, she laughed at me a little bit for being back so soon. Then she analyzed and evaluated my wrist and hand and told me we have a lot more work to do than I expected she was going to tell me I needed. She compared my broken side with the non-broken one and just as an example, with my right hand I could squeeze 78 lbs of pressure. My left? 28 pounds. And she measured angles of how far I could bend both hands. One of them was 50 degrees on my right hand and only 15 degrees on the left. Oh boy.
Two days after I broke my wrist, my office was moved to our post-remodel floor. So someone had to pack my entire desk up for me and he loved me so bad it hurt. Not as much as my wrist, back and neck hurt though. But I could feel the love oozing from his pores because he had to pack up my stuff.
Then he had to unpack it all at my new desk. And I could see cute little puffy hearts floating in the air above his head because his love for me was so great.
I finally got my car all fixed. I know you've all been waiting on the edge of your seats to hear about that. $1,400. I don't even want to talk about it because that dollar amount makes me want to sob, so you're off the hook hearing all the boring car stuff.
Then I hosted the Atlanta Pie Peeps at my house in April (some of you probably already saw the photos on June's blog) and I got to see Tee, Sadie, Fay and we met the lovely, sweet, awesome PJ and I honestly felt like I had known her for all my life. One of my friends came and joined us and she loved everyone. And thankfully my geriatric cat with chronic tummy issues didn't do anything embarassing during the party. Poor Tee was suffering from horrible allergies and she stole one of my spoons y'all. You should not invite Thief Tee to your house. She just helps herself to your silverware. Ha! It accidentally got stuck in her dish she brought and she boxed it up nicely and delivered it back to my front porch in a matter of a couple of days which she totally didn't have to do. But Tee is a sweet lady.
Five days after the Pie party, I inherited a couple of kids.
Y'all, this is SUCH a crazy and involved and long story and it's not my place to explain it all here on my blog, but Hot Brazilian thought he would be back here by now and two of his kids moved here but he's still stuck in the jungle so they have been staying at my house for almost a month. And they don't know the extent of just how close and involved Hot Brazilian and I are so they think we are just friends. And Fay is now not a fan of HB so I told her we need to go out to dinner so I can tell her the whole story so she won't dislike him because it really isn't his fault. He is one of the most awesome people on the planet and I know this all sounds so insane. Because it IS insane. And I'm, um, you know, um....adjusting to some major changes in my life. Fay! Call me! Seriously, I want to have dinner just so we can hang out together, but I also don't want you to think poorly of HB.
I'm teaching them all about American culture. I'm helping them look at schools, find jobs, taking them to job interviews, helping them buy a car (no, I'm not paying, just teaching them how to buy one here), how to get a drivers license, car registration, car insurance, looking for apartments, how to clean when you don't live in a concrete building and can't just throw water all over the walls and floor and watch it go down a drain (they had never vacuumed and didn't even know what a mop was. HA!), and basically everything else they need to know to establish a life here in the U.S. And do y'all know what? I AM EXHAUSTED. Between that, working full-time, physical therapy, chiropractor visits, the five commissioned paintings I am supposed to be doing, and not being able to run around my house with no bra on, I am worn slap out.
And my mom and an aunt came and stayed with us for a few days too. So naturally that's when one of my water heaters broke. A guy came out while it was pouring rain to fix it so that's how I also found out my crawl space has been flooding during heavy rainstorms. So then I suddenly found myself hiring him to put some flashing on my deck, re-route some gutters, and before I knew it, told him to go ahead and completely refinish my deck while he was at it. He got my water heater re-lit. My mom took a shower and then it broke again. So then I hired him to replace some parts on the water heater.
And then my one-year-old stupid expensive stove broke.
I came home Monday night, walked in the front door and it was sparking, clicking, beeping, numbers were flashing, etc. And the girl child I suddenly inherited was cooking on it like it was okay. Argh! I screamed at her to turn it off, called Jenn-Air, got flustered with the sweet southern accented lady who told me to pull off the decorative plate under the oven, crawl on my hands and knees (I was still in my maxi dress that I have accidentally stepped on resulting in me having flashed a security guard at work while wearing it and I was crawling around on the floor in it, sweating profusely, with this annoying non-stop beeping going on and with an 18-year-old boy in the room watching me) and try to read the smallest writing in the world on a label way back halfway under the stove where it was dark, then she asked me if I could look at my registration card (who the hell knows where that is?), find my receipt to get some information off of it, try to flip the breaker off, leave it off for 30 seconds and turn it back on and then argued with me when I told her it was still beeping and the screen on the stove didn't say what she said it should, so I got snippy with her, held the phone down to the stove so she could hear the stupidly annoying BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP I had been listening to for 30 minutes by that time, and I hated everyone and everything. She finally said, flip the breaker off and we'll get a service rep out there. THANK YOU ANNOYING SOUTHERN ACCENT LADY!
Yesterday the stove worked perfectly.
But I kept the service call scheduled for this morning. He said a couple of parts need to be replaced but naturally they have to be ordered and I have to have another service call in a couple of weeks but the good news is my stove is apparently not going to blow my house up.
He left and then as I was driving to work a guy called and said he would be at my house shortly to fix my stove. And I said, "oh, the parts are available today?" And he said, "Huh?" We eventually figured out they scheduled two different people to come fix my stove. I must have been snippier than I thought and that poor lady on the phone wanted to be absolutely sure I got my stove looked at!
That should catch you up on the bigger things that have been happening in my life.
How are all of you? I do still plan to do Music Monday again. Maybe this next week!
Friday, March 8, 2013
Seriously? Crazy stuff always happen to me, but this? This was the most surreal thing I think I've ever been through.
For the love of Pete, y’all. (I’ve always wondered who that poor Pete is that has his name used in that way.) This past two weeks have been insanely crazy. And I am only going to write for a certain length of time because I’m sneaking this post in from work while my boss is out for the afternoon, but two of the partners on my team have challenged each other to a rap battle at 5:00 and if you think I am missing that because of writing on my blog, you are crazier than I am. And then I have to leave immediately after that because I’ll be getting into overtime which is frowned upon. So if this post ends quite abruptly, you now know why.
Something happened last week that I never dreamed in a bazillion years I would be involved in. Some of you are already aware if you’re friends with me on Facebook or saw my comment on BBP.
But before I get to that, I will update you on things from my last post. First of all, I am still flipping sick. I cannot kick this cold or whatever the crap it is. This Sunday will be 3 weeks I have been hacking and wheezing. Everyone else who has had it says it lasts about a month. So hopefully I only have a week or so of it left.
And something else broke in my house, y'all. I fixed a broken toilet one Saturday afternoon. (The bowl would not fill with water so I jammed the hose down a tube thingie that it was supposed to be in and held it in place with some cardboard torn from a hair color box. Because I'm a girl plumber.) That Saturday night? My ice maker totally stopped making ice. I jiggled stuff. I banged on stuff. And I cursed at it. I read the manual. No help. I went online for advice. No help. My refrigerator is almost brand new. I bought it when I moved in my house 15 months ago. And suddenly 4 days later it started making ice again just as quickly as it had stopped.
And something else broke in my house, y'all. I fixed a broken toilet one Saturday afternoon. (The bowl would not fill with water so I jammed the hose down a tube thingie that it was supposed to be in and held it in place with some cardboard torn from a hair color box. Because I'm a girl plumber.) That Saturday night? My ice maker totally stopped making ice. I jiggled stuff. I banged on stuff. And I cursed at it. I read the manual. No help. I went online for advice. No help. My refrigerator is almost brand new. I bought it when I moved in my house 15 months ago. And suddenly 4 days later it started making ice again just as quickly as it had stopped.
My car is still not fixed because my mechanic cannot get the manufacturer to agree what part I exactly need and he said they have sent cartoon drawings back and forth, photos back and forth, and had about 3904789435034 phone calls about it. Therefore, I am driving only back and forth to work and I have not driven my car at all for the past 3 weekends so that I don’t make it any worse. Fun is what that is. And last week when I had my exciting and completely unexpected adventure of a lifetime, I took the train each day so I only put about six miles on my car all week because all I had to do was go to the station (it’s not safe to walk there in my ‘hood alone) and to the grocery store once.
The train. What a fun experience that was.
I had a construction worker try to put some moves on me. I had a total thug dude tell me he loved my scarf. Two babies on opposite sides of the tracks in the very echo-y below ground station had a screaming/crying competition one afternoon. People kept asking me about the train schedule because apparently I looked like I knew what I was doing. (I had no clue what I was doing or what the train schedules were other than the one I was on.) I gave a disabled guy some change so he could pay his fare. And a lady sang nursery songs the entire trip one morning. One evening, by the time I got home, I was about to pee all over myself. As I sat on the toilet extremely happy I made it in time, my cell phone rang in my pocket. It was my security alarm company. Apparently in my rush to get my alarm turned off so I could make it to the potty in time, I managed to set off a silent alarm. Ack! I’ve set my alarm off really loudly a couple of times, but I honestly did not even know I had a silent alarm. But I found out I did while sitting on the potty of all places.
So where was I going on the train? I left my office on Thursday, February 21st and told my bosses and my team that I would see them possibly Friday afternoon and if not, I’d definitely see them on Monday because I had jury duty but there was no possible way I’d get picked because I’ve had jury duty 345972340523-045 times and they never choose me. I work for a law firm and my brother is a cop. No attorneys ever want me on a jury.
Except this time they did. And this wasn’t just any case. No. It was an absolutely horrific case. An EXTREMELY violent murder case. I have to be honest, this case has impacted me in a huge way that has had me thinking about some really big things. And it has freaked me out quite a bit. I’ve been looking over my shoulder constantly for the past couple of weeks. I could not make myself sleep upstairs in my house until two days ago because I wanted to be able to hear any and all noises that might be happening outside. I know that sounds crazy, y’all. But I’ve been incredibly spooked and almost feel haunted by this case. And I’m not really ready to talk about it on here. I’ve been checking online and at this point I don’t see that this person has been transferred to a prison yet. And until I can see that online, I really don’t want to put any details on here that might possibly connect me to the case. And quite honestly, I might not ever talk about any details on here. Because he might be in custody, but everyone he knows is not.
Okay, it’s law partner rap battle time so I have to run. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!
Do y’all miss Music Monday? Should we start it back up or was that kind of dumb to y’all?
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Wheeze. Cough. Blow. Sneeze.
I'm home sick today so I thought I'd throw up a blog post since I'm not at work trying to go online while trying to not get caught by the 4957439540 attorneys that constantly parade back and forth behind me. And for some reason my home internet has been working since the weekend and we will see how long that lasts. (Update: my internet went out again 3 times while in the middle of this post but thankfully came back by the time I finished.)
I think I caught the cold June Gardens had a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure if y'all heard, but she had a cold recently. We changed over to a new computer system last week at work and they have been having training classes for about 6 or 8 weeks (because we have probably over 200 people in our office but the training room only holds 8 people at a time). They have contract trainers working with us and I got migrated to the new system last Wednesday and took a 3 hour class. The trainer who actually works for our firm as an employee and not a contractor had been traveling to train people in our offices in D.C. and Raleigh. He came back late last week and on Fridays, he offers one hour classes on very specific topics and I decided to take one this past Friday. He hacked and he sniffled, and he leaned all over us coughing on top of our heads. He told us it was just allergies. But on Sunday I woke up sicker than sick. And since he was in Raleigh, I think he caught June's cold germs and brought them back to Atlanta and gave them to me. So yes, I caught June's cold.
I had to go to work yesterday even though I felt like hell because of a huge deadline that I could not pass on to some other poor soul to do for me. I hate when people come to the office sick and get everyone else sick so I tried to stay in my cubicle and not get near anyone. Also, I had to take my car back to my mechanic yesterday because the parts were supposed to be in and I've been having to stay home way too much to avoid driving my car anymore than I absolutely have to so that I don't damage it worse before they fix it. And then they called me yesterday afternoon and told me the manufacturer had shipped the wrong part. Ugh. So I've had my car in there 3 times already and it's still not fixed. But they did put my new tires on yesterday so at least I hopefully won't slide into anyone when I'm driving back to the mechanic again. Especially since the weather guy said we're probably going to get close to 6 inches of rain here in Atlanta over the next week. Do you know what sucks? Trying to get your car to the mechanic 4 different times in 2 weeks when you're alone and don't have a boyfriend or husband to give you rides.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home drinking the Hot Brazilian Miracle Elixir for colds (lemon, garlic and honey which tastes what I imagine dirty gym socks taste like) as often as I can stand it, loading up on other meds of the completely unnatural type, killing tons of trees with all of the tissues I'm using, and sounding a lot like Bea Arthur or a female Tom Waits whenever I talk. And wheezing. Lots and lots of wheezing and coughing.
But one good thing is that I was home when Hot Brazilian was able to call earlier today and managed to stay connected for an entire 45 minute conversation! Sadly, I spent over half of it hacking....
As soon as I answered when he called and he heard my oh so sexy and gravelly voice he asked, "Punkin, are you drinking the "tea" I taught you about?" I told him I was and he asked me what I put in it. I told him lemon, garlic and a tiny bit of honey. He replied, "Good girl! But you're missing one ingredient. If I were there I would have made it for you and added love."
Yes, 6 years into our relationship but several years living in different countries and we're still like that.
Several of you asked what he told me that I had been waiting 4 years to hear. Some of this may not make much sense since you don't know his entire background and it's not really my place to share all of that. Plus, the story of what he's been doing down there is super involved and long but I'm only giving y'all a VERY short version. It's such a crazy story that if I told y'all all of it you would think I was making it up even though it's all true. But a shortened summary is as follows: a friend of his in the House of Representatives found out he was back in the country and asked him to fly up to the Amazon to help him on his re-election campaign. One thing led to another and HB ended up becoming a political activist fighting against the incredibly corrupt state government in working towards his ultimate goal of helping the children of that state get a fair chance at a better life. He has been working with some other people and what they are doing is extremely dangerous. A few of them have been killed. A blogger friend of his was executed while sitting in the middle of a crowded restaurant because he was speaking out. And I've been scared for his safety the entire time.
Anyway, last week he told me some things have happened recently that I assume have him really scared and worried (he said he didn't want to tell me what led him to his decision so that I wouldn't worry more), so he is giving up his fight at least for now. As proud as I am of what he's doing, I could not be happier to hear he's going to lay low for the rest of his time down there.
So that's that.
In other news, Sadie.....thank you so much for the middle-of-February-thinking-of-you gift you sent me! I love it!! That was so sweet and thoughtful of you and I appreciate it more than you know!
And Tee, I'm looking forward to our Atlanta Pie meet up in April!!
Well, I suppose I better go drink some more HB Miracle Elixir. It really does seem to help shorten the life of a cold even though it tastes like complete crap.....
I think I caught the cold June Gardens had a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure if y'all heard, but she had a cold recently. We changed over to a new computer system last week at work and they have been having training classes for about 6 or 8 weeks (because we have probably over 200 people in our office but the training room only holds 8 people at a time). They have contract trainers working with us and I got migrated to the new system last Wednesday and took a 3 hour class. The trainer who actually works for our firm as an employee and not a contractor had been traveling to train people in our offices in D.C. and Raleigh. He came back late last week and on Fridays, he offers one hour classes on very specific topics and I decided to take one this past Friday. He hacked and he sniffled, and he leaned all over us coughing on top of our heads. He told us it was just allergies. But on Sunday I woke up sicker than sick. And since he was in Raleigh, I think he caught June's cold germs and brought them back to Atlanta and gave them to me. So yes, I caught June's cold.
I had to go to work yesterday even though I felt like hell because of a huge deadline that I could not pass on to some other poor soul to do for me. I hate when people come to the office sick and get everyone else sick so I tried to stay in my cubicle and not get near anyone. Also, I had to take my car back to my mechanic yesterday because the parts were supposed to be in and I've been having to stay home way too much to avoid driving my car anymore than I absolutely have to so that I don't damage it worse before they fix it. And then they called me yesterday afternoon and told me the manufacturer had shipped the wrong part. Ugh. So I've had my car in there 3 times already and it's still not fixed. But they did put my new tires on yesterday so at least I hopefully won't slide into anyone when I'm driving back to the mechanic again. Especially since the weather guy said we're probably going to get close to 6 inches of rain here in Atlanta over the next week. Do you know what sucks? Trying to get your car to the mechanic 4 different times in 2 weeks when you're alone and don't have a boyfriend or husband to give you rides.
So anyway, I'm sitting at home drinking the Hot Brazilian Miracle Elixir for colds (lemon, garlic and honey which tastes what I imagine dirty gym socks taste like) as often as I can stand it, loading up on other meds of the completely unnatural type, killing tons of trees with all of the tissues I'm using, and sounding a lot like Bea Arthur or a female Tom Waits whenever I talk. And wheezing. Lots and lots of wheezing and coughing.
But one good thing is that I was home when Hot Brazilian was able to call earlier today and managed to stay connected for an entire 45 minute conversation! Sadly, I spent over half of it hacking....
As soon as I answered when he called and he heard my oh so sexy and gravelly voice he asked, "Punkin, are you drinking the "tea" I taught you about?" I told him I was and he asked me what I put in it. I told him lemon, garlic and a tiny bit of honey. He replied, "Good girl! But you're missing one ingredient. If I were there I would have made it for you and added love."
Yes, 6 years into our relationship but several years living in different countries and we're still like that.
Several of you asked what he told me that I had been waiting 4 years to hear. Some of this may not make much sense since you don't know his entire background and it's not really my place to share all of that. Plus, the story of what he's been doing down there is super involved and long but I'm only giving y'all a VERY short version. It's such a crazy story that if I told y'all all of it you would think I was making it up even though it's all true. But a shortened summary is as follows: a friend of his in the House of Representatives found out he was back in the country and asked him to fly up to the Amazon to help him on his re-election campaign. One thing led to another and HB ended up becoming a political activist fighting against the incredibly corrupt state government in working towards his ultimate goal of helping the children of that state get a fair chance at a better life. He has been working with some other people and what they are doing is extremely dangerous. A few of them have been killed. A blogger friend of his was executed while sitting in the middle of a crowded restaurant because he was speaking out. And I've been scared for his safety the entire time.
Anyway, last week he told me some things have happened recently that I assume have him really scared and worried (he said he didn't want to tell me what led him to his decision so that I wouldn't worry more), so he is giving up his fight at least for now. As proud as I am of what he's doing, I could not be happier to hear he's going to lay low for the rest of his time down there.
So that's that.
In other news, Sadie.....thank you so much for the middle-of-February-thinking-of-you gift you sent me! I love it!! That was so sweet and thoughtful of you and I appreciate it more than you know!
And Tee, I'm looking forward to our Atlanta Pie meet up in April!!
Well, I suppose I better go drink some more HB Miracle Elixir. It really does seem to help shorten the life of a cold even though it tastes like complete crap.....
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
I'm eating a banana. Which has as much to do with this post as the different subjects I cover have to do with each other. As usual......
Do y'all enjoy how my posts always seem to cover a whole bunch of stuff that doesn't go together in the least because I just start typing and never have a plan in advance? Good. Because let's continue with that right now.
I have started numerous posts over the past two weeks but they have been just about the most depressing things you’ve ever read so I haven’t sent them out to the internet. And then I started this post yesterday at work when I had a few minutes of down time, but my internet has been out at home (even though I had the cable company come out a few months ago when it stopped working and they completely rewired the entire thing) so I couldn’t finish it and post it last night. So I am trying again because my boss who sits right behind me is out this afternoon.
I have some crappy stuff happening in my life right now if I’m being honest and I haven’t been able to get my mind off of it to write something y’all might possibly be interested in reading. Because trust me, you do not want to hear what I’ve been dealing with because it’s all just a gigantic, enormous, boatload of crap. Expensive crap. (Just as an example: $900 to replace an intake manifold on my car (whatever the heck that is) because somehow I got an air leak in mine, and I need new tires since mine are completely bald and unsafe for me to be driving on for a total of $1,500 I do not have right now, my mortgage payment was increased in December by $250 per month which happens to feel like it might as well be $250,000 more per month, etc. And that’s only a small part of the gigantic, enormous, boatload of crap. There is also crap involving family members which I’m really not at liberty to discuss on here, and in general life has not been very peachy lately.)
But there are a couple of good things in case you were about to send some men with a straight jacket for me (if you do though, can you please request they bring me one in a beautiful robin’s egg blue/aqua color? That’s my very favorite color of all).
Anyway, let’s move on to some good news.
Hot Brazilian called me last week. We use Skype since it’s free but the internet connection in the middle of the Amazon jungle is about as reliable as my house and all of its moving parts that keep breaking down every time I blink. And my car that is now following suit. I also have the Skype app on my phone and sometimes he happens to call me when I’m driving to work. And I wish I could tell you how difficult it is to hear him when I’m on my computer at home. But phone Skype? Even worse.
When he called me last week, I was driving to work. It was pouring rain so I had raindrops pelting my car, my windshield wipers going, and lots of traffic around me so I could hear him kind of not at all. The entire conversation was basically me saying, “What? I can’t hear you. Are you still there? I can’t hear anything.” I was finally able to pull over into a parking lot so I could at least turn off my windshield wipers and he told me something awesome that I’ve been waiting about four years to hear and then he promptly lost his internet connection the very second the sentence was out of his mouth and we haven’t been able to connect since.
Frickin’ frackin’ frick.
Word of advice: don’t get in a long term relationship with someone who may one day live in the middle of the Amazon if you enjoy talking with that person. I know! That happens to so many of us American women. So don’t come whining to me when it happens to you and say I didn’t warn you that you and your Amazon hottie can’t communicate very well. I will link you right back to this increasingly more boring post. However, I will tell you that one good thing about this relationship is that I don’t know how we could ever possibly get tired of each other since we rarely finish talking about a subject. Even once he gets back here to the States he plans to not be here in Atlanta full-time at first (because of his business plans and all) and I do not care one little bit because we will at least be able to say more than 10 sentences in a row to each other without being disconnected.
Last week was a very typical conversation we have:
Me: Hi, Hot Brazilian! (I don’t really call him that when we talk, but maybe I should start).
HB: Hi, punkin! (He really does call me that because he apparently has trouble saying pumpkin with his accent)
Me: Are you doing okay? Are you staying safe?
HB: I’m okay. I miss you a lot.
Me: I miss you too!
HB: Hey listen, you know that thing you’ve been waiting four years for me to say I’m going to finally do? Well, I decided to do it!
Me: Oh Hot Brazilian, that makes me so happy!! Does this mean……
silence.
Me: Shit. Damn. Stupid fucking jungle internet.
Or he’ll say something along the lines of, “Dahling (he calls me that too). I really miss seeing your……” Disconnected. He misses seeing my what? My paintings? My smile? My brilliant mind at work? My saggy boobs? What does he miss seeing? Shit. Damn. Stupid fucking jungle internet. Oh well. One day we will be able to finish a conversation again.
This painting I did has nothing do with anything. Just like the next part of this post has nothing to do with the beginning of the post. I just wanted to continue a post that has a bunch of crap in it that doesn't go together to see just how much I can confuse y'all so I threw a random painting picture right here. Although, this painting does kind of look like I feel when I think about spending $1,500 to fix my car. So I guess it sort of goes with the beginning of this post. But it really doesn't have anything to do with it at all. Are y'all confused yet? Good. Now you know how it feels inside my head most of the time when I'm writing a post. Which one of you is ordering the robin's egg blue straight jacket for me? I will need the one which is in a tent size.
Because of all of the financial crappy stuff on my mind, I have been sleeping even worse than I normally do. Sunday night/Monday morning I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and never went back to sleep. Last night I was awake from 1:30 – 5:00 a.m. Sucks. Sunday night I started flipping through the tv to find something that might put me to sleep but I was WIDE AWAKE. And I stumbled across something on MTV that I could not turn away from, y’all. I don’t normally watch MTV because I’m 44 and I don’t care to watch the teenage mom shows or Snooki or whatever else they have on these days. But in the middle of the night they have some crazy stuff on there and I was not aware of that. Why did y’all not tell me? I will be the first to admit that I can be a bit naïve, but I did not know there are people who are into poly-amorous relationships. Now I know about polygamy and stuff, but this was about 3 gay guys who live together, love each other, all three kiss each other at the same time (which appeared to be a little awkward and difficult if I’m being honest), all put their makeup on and straightened their hair together in the bathroom at the same time (yes they did), all have sexy time together, etc. They are 3 guys in a committed relationship. One started feeling left out in certain ways and wanted to bring in a 4th guy. One of the other guys was all for it, but the third one was vehemently opposed. So they went to therapy and eventually decided to bring in the 4th guy. Six months into it the third guy, after being totally against the idea, started getting too close to the new guy so the three original guys broke up with him. Talk about feeling rejected. When one person breaks up with you it can be devastating. Imagine if you got dumped by 3 people all at once!
They also showed another relationship and it was a girl who was dating another girl and a guy. And the first girl wanted to bring another guy into the relationship. But the second girl just never hit it off too well with him and got too jealous, etc. so they ended up dumping the additional guy. So I guess the lesson is that three people work better than four. Seriously though, aren’t relationships, whether they are hetero or LGBT, enough work when there are only two people in them?
After that was over, another show came on which was featuring a girl who worked in the porn industry (casting, etc. – not an actress) and could not find a guy who wanted to date her for any reason other than the fact that she worked in the adult entertainment industry. And there was another girl who had multiple sex partners and apparently had enough crazy sex that she had her own radio show to talk about her sexcapades, but then she met a guy she wanted to be in a monogamous relationship with but her co-host told her it would ruin their show and she couldn’t be monogamous. And finally, there was a guy who swore he was hetero but was starring in gay porn videos and was going to visit his family and tell them what he did for a living. He said he took enhancement pills to be able to shoot the scenes because they were questioning him about how that all worked. And 10 minutes into that show, after watching the previous one, I felt like that was too much smut for one night so I changed the channel but two days later I’m wondering if all of their lives worked out okay. I’m also really glad I watched all of that stuff because it made me feel as though my completely crazy relationship situation with Hot Brazilian really isn’t so out there after all. Don't y'all agree?
.......Silence.
Well, we covered my crappy financial situation, communication in the Amazon and alternative lifestyles in one post. I continue to make a lot of sense to y’all, right?
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