Y'all are really still coming by to see if I've written anything?

Jane and a couple of other people called me out in the comments on BBP today for not blogging.  It's only been a month and 3 days since I've blogged.  Geez.  Y'all are so demanding.

Ima try to catch y'all up on the past month other than the normal boring work stuff I do because I've been doing a lot of that.  We're in the middle of a HUGE deal at my firm right now and we are all working late hours, the attorneys are all working weekends, etc.  This is a deal with a number so big it makes my head hurt.  I worked until 9:00 one night last week formatting a huge document.  And when I got in the next morning, I discovered my boss had sent me a copy of the document and not the actual document (because we have a super confusing doc management system that most of our firm hates and this very same thing has happened to tons of people so please don't think I'm an idiot) so the 12 hours of work I did on it?  None of it was saved on our system.  Our IT department searched all over my computer and could not find the version with all of my edits anywhere.  And the client needed it that morning to work on it and get it to their auditors. I hated everything that day.  And I still kind of hated everything by the day after that too.

But here's some of the stuff I've been up to over the past month that doesn't suck like that did.  Well, a couple of non-work things suck too, if I'm being honest.

I went out of town for a girls weekend with my aunt, two cousins, and one of their daughters.  My aunt bought my grandparents' house after they both passed away, so we went there.  Within 30 minutes of arriving, my cousin's 7-year-old daughter had me dressed up with purple fuzzy earmuffs and holding a sword and mace (both plastic, don't worry).  And then I had to have sword fights in the front yard.  The 2-year-old boy next door saw us and came and joined us as well.  And I had to run and hide all over the back yard.  And up and down the two stories of deck stairs.  And girlfriend, I am one out of shape blob.  I was dying.  Thankfully, we only did that for an hour or or so (although it felt like 10 hours at least) before she let me rest for a minute on the front porch.  I managed to turn it into resting until I left the next afternoon.  I had had enough sword fighting for one weekend.  Or possibly for the rest of my life.  I did play "spies" with her using walkie talkies.  I sent her on missions while I sat my fat butt on the porch and talked to her.  I mean it would not have hurt the size of my arse for me to do some more sword fighting and running around, but I really just didn't want to.

Okay.  I'm back.  Did y'all know I was gone in the middle of writing this post?  I was.  Hot Brazilian just called me from Brazil and we talked for an hour and a half.  And now I'm going to write for a little bit longer but because I just spent an hour and a half on Skype, I'm not going to write as much as I had planned because girlfriend is tired.  And it's late.  Also, after we hung up because he was about to drop from exhaustion because he had a super crazy weekend (not really in a good way) and he could not stay awake for one more minute, I had to fix all of the spelling and grammar on a very important email he's working on because English is definitely not his first language.  (Don't worry - I use proper grammar when I'm writing work stuff unlike this blog.)  Y'all, he speaks English fairly well and I always understand what he means when he writes, but if it's something important he has me "fix" it all for him.  Which is probably for the best because he once sent me an email to fix before he sent it (THANK GOODNESS) to the owner of a company trying to schedule a meeting which contained the sentence, "I'll be cumming to (name of city)" on some particular date.  And I wrote him back telling him to never, ever, ever use that word in a business email and then I had to explain the difference between "cumming" and "coming" while I was sitting at my desk with people surrounding me.  Fun is what that conversation was.  But there is a city just north of Atlanta called Cumming, GA and so he asked me about that.  To which I had no answer.  Because, really?  Cumming, GA?  Why would you call yourself that?  Of all the names in the world, y'all really went with that one?

So, I guess from that last paragraph you may have just figured out why I said earlier that some non-work stuff also sucks.  Hot Brazilian is still in Brazil.  He was supposed to be sitting here on my sofa with me as of the last week of December, but some Things I Cannot Discuss have come up (but have not cum up (oh how could I resist that one?)).  I am being understanding, but I am not happy about this change of plans.  And it's partially his fault but partially not and he has cried buckets because he wants to be back here so badly and I have cried the Big Ugly Scrunched Up and Screaming Face cry more than once and it has been a super depressing couple of weeks for both of us.  But I can't really go into any sort of detail here.  No, I don't know how much longer it will be before he's back.  Suck.  Suck. Suck.

This also means I spent New Year's Eve at my fun neighbors' house and we watched football.  Which is not really my favorite thing to do, but it certainly beat sitting at home alone and probably crying because Hot Brazilian was not here with me.  The game was over around 11, I helped clean up the food/kitchen, etc. and then the husband walked me home even though it's only 3 houses away because it was almost midnight in the 'hood.  At midnight I hate to tell you that I was standing at my kitchen counter sorting dried beans so I could soak them overnight and make ham and bean soup.  Whoa.  Don't you want to come spend NYE at my house next year?  Maybe we can match up socks to fold together.  Or carry the garbage outside to the trash can to celebrate.  Maybe you can think of something to rival sorting dried beans!  I am open to all household chores as a way to ring in the new year.  (Except for toilet cleaning.  I will draw the line there.)

Some other things I haven't caught you up on (I say this like y'all are really interested) include my weirdest Christmas ever, a baby (not mine!), another encounter with a crazy dude in my 'hood (I gave him some money and my friend blessed me out about it), my friend's obsession with people selling socks on Atlanta's public transportation, how I managed to completely ruin green bean casserole which is quite possibly one of the world's easiest dishes but I cook about as much as June Gardens, how a stray cat almost gave me a heart attack this weekend, my completely disastrous return to painting, and how I am obviously trying to bring sexy back with the outfit I put on when I got home from work tonight.  If any of those things sound interesting, let me know and I'll try to write about them. 

But right now I'm going to bed.  Even though I had a much calmer weekend than Hot Brazilian, I think I am almost as tired as he was when we hung up a while ago. (He had yet another car stuck in the mud in the middle of the jungle experience, but this time they walked 8 miles to a village and paid complete strangers to take showers, sleep in their house and be fed.  I, on the other hand, never sleep so I took two sleeping pills Friday night.  While I still woke up at 1:00, 3:30, 5:45, etc., I also never got out of my pj's on Saturday and didn't manage to get off the sofa until almost 3:00 p.m. because they made me so lethargic.)  First I ring in the new year sorting dried beans.  Then I spend all day on the couch in a coma.  I can see why y'all would want to keep coming back here.