I'm bored today

Honestly y'all, I'm having quite a boring week with nothing worth blogging about.  I mean other than my 92-year-old neighbor dying of course.

One of the Lisa's, Tammi Five Five and I got into a discussion a few minutes ago on Facebook about foreign travel. 

It all started when Lisa posted this article which made me cringe and pee my pants laughing all at the same time.  It also reminded me of when I worked in the furniture industry for 13 years.  I did a little bit of everything when I worked there from helping unload trucks to eventually being the assistant to the CEO.   I know!  Me unloading furniture from trucks and I didn't break a single bone.  That was when I was working in a store where we had an alcoholic manager who would leave the store to go drink in a bar in our shopping center and we'd sometimes have to wait for an hour after the store was closed for him to come back and turn the alarm on and lock up.  He also made customers and employees use moldy toilet paper he found in the basement warehouse because he was a cheap SOB except for when it came to himself, and he wouldn't buy new rolls.  So we all kind of laughed when a huge piece of sheet metal blew off the top of the building during a storm one afternoon and landed on the roof of his Mercedes which he had just paid off the month before.  He was down at the bar so it sat on top of his car for hours until he came stumbling back to work.

And oh my word the stories I could tell you about the CEO I eventually worked for.  From the time he grabbed my friend's ice cream from her and started eating with her spoon and then handed it back to her, to the remote control opener someone had installed on his office door so he would stop slamming the blasted thing 89 times per day and then the time he got stuck in his office when the power went out during a bad storm so he screamed at me, to the time I had to go pick up his x-rays from his doctor, to the time I had to listen to him cursing when I was on the phone trying to teach him how to use an ATM for the first time even though ATMs had been around for a while by then and he was furious he had to have a PIN number and did not so he couldn't get his own money since it was after bank hours ("BUT IT'S MY DAMN MONEY AND I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!" he kept screaming - "YOU CAN'T GET YOUR MONEY WITHOUT A PIN NUMBER!" I kept screaming back at him), to the time he asked me to come in the men's restroom with him while he was on the toilet reading the Wall Street Journal.  I'm not making any of that up.

Before I worked for the CEO, I worked for his son briefly.  We had a unisex bathroom in that particular office and he always forgot to the lock the door.  And he went through his mail while sitting on the toilet.  OMG.

Anyway, at one point while I was with that company, I worked for a Regional Vice President and there was a lady in our office who took all of the customer complaint calls and that's what Lisa's article reminded me of.  (Yes, I'm finally getting back to the her article.)  We had a lady who threatened to sue us because her husband was divorcing her because she didn't like the mattress they bought from us and stopped sleeping with him and, therefore, also stopped having sex with him.  Honey, have sex with him and then go sleep somewhere else in the house.  We had another lady who was going to sue us because she said her hearing aid fell out while she was in one of our stores and went under a sofa cushion and she claimed the store manager stole it from her and wouldn't give it back. 

One day the lady who normally took the complaint calls was out sick so I had to fill in for her.  A girl called and cursed me out worse than any sailor on this planet and somehow she was trying to make it our fault that she got a speeding ticket trying to get home in time for her furniture delivery.  And guess what, y'all?  After she called me every single bad name in the book and said all kinds of other awful things when all I had done is answer the call and she had not let me say another word before she started screaming, she paused for a second.  And I asked her for her name. 

I knew her.

Oh, she felt awful for all of the terrible names she had called me and all of the awful stuff she had said.

And how did I get off on women not having sex with their husbands and me getting accidentally cursed out by an acquaintance when I was supposed to be talking about foreign travel?

Here's my question.  If I don't have anything interesting happen by tomorrow to blog, what would y'all prefer to hear about:

1.  My trip to the Bahamas with a bunch of family members while I was hiding the fact that my now ex-husband and I were even dating, much less living together, from my family.

h(45).  My trip to Cyprus, Egypt and Israel with my now ex-husband when I got engaged while very drunk and sitting half undressed in a hotel room on the top of Mount Olympus after a Christmas party with some Scottish people watching Cypriot men dance.  And it was the most anti-climatic moment of my life.  There was also an intense disagreement about a camel and some people picking their noses on this trip.  And lots of men with huge guns.

IVMC.  My trip to the Amazon with Hot Brazilian where I had to sit in a meeting with the chief of police and two other police officers and pretend like I was an attorney who understood everything they were saying even though the only words I know in Portuguese are for 'pineapple,' 'hello,' and 'okay'.  And I got some money converted by some arms dealers. And a priest wanted to take me into the jungle to meet an Amazonian Indian chief - until I found out it would involve the Brazilian air force, a nurse who works for the federal government and the chief could possibly take me as his sex slave and kill me.

And oh how I wish I was making any of that up but it's all the truth.