Please, girls. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. And don't bother me with emails.

I was going to write about my trip to Cyprus, Israel and Egypt today but Kristine asked in the comments on yesterday's post about how HB and I met so I decided to write about that instead.  Mainly because the trip post is photo heavy and I'm kind of tight on time today.

My ex and I's divorce was final the Friday of Memorial Day weekend in 2004.  We had been separated and living apart for just shy of a year at that point.  About 6 months into our separation and while negotiations were ongoing and there was no question of us not going through with the divorce, I met a guy in a martini bar one night.  He lived in D.C. and was a flamenco guitar player and cantaor (singer) and had come to Atlanta to perform.  He was out with some friends after his performance, I was out with a friend, and we met by the piano listening to a blues band.

We went and had coffee together that night, exchanged numbers and got to know each other through phone calls and emails.  Oh, the craziness that went on in that odd relationship.  Perhaps I will blog about it in the future.  There was a crazy ex-girlfriend of his involved.  He had to sneak me around D.C. so she wouldn't find out about me which created some great stories (like the night I had to sneak to take a shower and almost fell in a koi pond outside a mansion).  I had to sneak him around Atlanta so my parents wouldn't know he ever came down and stayed at my house because even though I was in my mid 30s and had been married I was not allowed to have men over in my own house apparently (which led to me yelling at my mom for the first time ever in my life and she cried and I felt like a schmuck).  He is one of the most intelligent (book smarts) men I know, but also much older than me and one of the most irresponsible people I've ever known.  He was so much fun and we had such a good time together even though I knew he would never be anything other than my transition guy.  We are still friends to this day.  But eventually I got to the point that I knew I wanted to find a different relationship.  One that didn't make me almost drown in a koi pond because that's an important trait in a good relationship, I think.

So I joined match-dot-com.

I met some completely certifiably insane men on there like the guy who gave me a present on our second (and final) date - a sex toy in a grocery store bag which he handed me in the parking lot of a pizza place.  I am not kidding, y'all.  He gave me a dozen roses on our first date and a sex toy in a grocery bag on the second one.  There was the guy who had lost his twin brother 5 years previously who broke down crying in the middle of our first (and only) date and also informed me that he and his ex still went out 3 nights per week and I would have to be okay with that.  Another guy told me that 2 nights a week he would be unreachable because he would be at his AA meetings and that he still lived with his parents since they had custody of his kids due to his alcoholism and that their mother was in prison.  Another guy told me within 5 minutes of meeting him that I had met my angel because he was going to help me lose weight, criticized our server because he limped, proceeded to demonstrate how his dog foams at the mouth after eating frogs, and then told me his ex broke up with him because he and her mother had slept together back in the 70s but had kept that info to themselves for the 7 years he dated the daughter.  He called me later and told me he's surprised I can fit my truck-sized ass through my front door, then called me the next day and asked me out again.  One guy broke up with me and blocked my emails two different times before we ever met in person.

Oh.  I could go on for hours about the nonsense.

I did date one guy for about 6 months but then he said he was going to Colorado for a month or two and while he was gone he wanted me to lose a bunch of weight so he could marry me when he got back.  And then sent me a diet.

Dumped him.

And I dated another guy for about 9 months who I was completely crazy about but then he moved to Ohio for his job, he had me visit him up there, 2 months later he moved back here and told me he didn't want to see me anymore because he loved me but would never be in love with me.  And then for the next 3 years he called me and said he had been unable to meet anyone else like me and would I go out with him again. 

No.

Finally I decided I was over the online dating thing.  I was actually completely over dating in general.  I had discovered every man in Atlanta seemed to be crazy and I was tired of it making me feel depressed and bad about myself.  I decided I'd much prefer to be single.  I had about one week left on my membership when I received a "wink" from HB.  If you're unfamiliar with Match, that is how someone lets you know they are interested in you.

I sighed heavily when it popped up in my email and then clicked on his profile.  Within 30 seconds I thought, "There is no way I would get along with this guy."  But I kept reading.  And it reinforced my initial reaction.

He said he expected a girl who brushed her teeth and went to the dentist.  He expected a girl who showered each day.  He said he is not a bank account and not to ask him what he does for a living.  He would not chat back and forth on his computer because his computer is for work, not socializing.  That initial contact that way would be it and then we needed to meet in person and not waste time emailing.  Y'all, it went on and on like that.  He sounded like a giant ass. 

But he was cute.  Damn it.

I winked back at him to be nice knowing my Match days were numbered and nothing would come of it.  Within an hour he sent me an email.  He thanked me for winking back and asked if I would meet him for coffee that Friday or Saturday.

I kept looking at how cute he was.  Damn it.

I finally thought, "What the heck.  Let's have one final hoorah on here and go out with a Brazilian guy for a final date."  We arranged to meet at the Starbucks in a Barnes and Noble that Saturday afternoon.

As the week went on I started wishing I hadn't set the date up.  On Saturday morning a friend of mine called and asked what I was doing that day.  I told her I had a stupid first date that I regretted agreeing to and that I absolutely didn't want to go.

"What are you going to wear?" she asked.

"I have no clue.  I don't even care," I replied.

"What time do you have to leave?"

"In 20 minutes."

"YOU'RE GOING ON A DATE IN 20 MINUTES, DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE WEARING AND AREN'T GETTING READY?" she screamed in my ear.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO AND DON'T CARE!" I screamed back.

We hung up a few minutes later, I still sat there and then realized I had 10 minutes until I needed to leave.

I sighed most heavily and got off the sofa.  I was so unhappy that I had to get dressed and leave my house.

I threw on a pair of khakis, a tank top and a denim jacket and brushed my teeth since he expects that of girls and not because most people do that anyway, grabbed my purse and trudged along to my car and then to the book store.

I stood near the Starbucks waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

He was 15 minutes late.

Strike one.

He apologized profusely and his accent made me think, "Okay.  1/2 a strike tops." 

And his tallness and handsomeness made me think, "Okay.  Let's do away with that strike completely."

We got in line, I ordered a coffee, he ordered a hot tea because he's not a coffee drinker, and we found a table.  And then we talked for 3.5 hours with no awkward silences and I was pretty much head over heels.

Damn it.

He finally said he needed to leave because he had work to do and as much as I wanted to ask him what he did I refrained because he specifically said in his profile not to ask him.  And I really, really liked this guy.  We walked out the front door and he asked if he could hug me and I said that would be very nice.

Y'all.  I was done after that.  He gives the best hugs in the world that swallow you up whole.

He then asked if he could see me again the following weekend and before my knees collapsed from the hug, I said I would love to see him again.

When we went out again he said one of the many reasons he asked me out again is because I was the first girl he had met from online that didn't ask him what he does for a living and he knew I had read what he wrote and respected what he asked.

November 11th will be the 7th anniversary of that hug that rocked my world in the Barnes and Noble parking lot and changed my life forever.