Blech!

If I don't post tomorrow it's because I am busy blowing chunks.  Calling Uncle Ralph on the big porcelain phone.  Launching my lunch.  Yodeling my groceries.  Giving a psychedelic yawn. 

I might be sick is what I'm trying to tell you. 

I've told y'all that Sunday is the only day of the week I cook because I hate cooking and refuse to do it every single blasted night.  Yesterday I was making something that I kind of made up and you would probably all find it disgusting but you don't have to eat it so don't worry about it.  It's a buffalo chicken pasta dish and the dressing is a mixture of a little mayo and a little blue cheese dressing with some hot wing sauce along with some buffalo style chicken and I normally throw in some feta cheese or blue cheese crumbles.  I saw a buffalo chicken pasta dish in the deli one time so I made up how to make it and since I'm no chef, I am not claiming mine will win any sort of prize.  Anyway, I had bought some mayonnaise a couple of weeks ago and since I didn't need it right away, I put it in my pantry.

On Saturday morning I had cleaned out my refrigerator since fake son moved to Europe last week and there was some questionable stuff in there and I had thrown out the little bit of mayo that was in the fridge because it wasn't worth saving there was so little of it left and yesterday I grabbed the new bottle out of the pantry and squeezed it in the big bowl of pasta and chicken, mixed everything else in, divided it all up in individual containers and threw everything in the fridge.

About 10 minutes later I thought to myself, "Self, you didn't have to unscrew the lid of the mayo and tear off the seal before you squeezed mayo into your food.  That mayo was already open in the pantry."  And I cursed out my fake kids because I don't know which one of them was the complete nincompoop who opened up the mayo to use some and then put it back in the pantry instead of in the refrigerator.  And I had just used almost $9.00 worth of chicken and some other stuff and it was all mixed in with it.  I was pissed.  Fake daughter wasn't home and she was having not a very fun weekend so I didn't want to call or text her and fuss at her since I didn't even know if she's the one who did it.  My guess is that it was her brother but I really don't know.

I pulled the mayo back out and looked at it and smelled it and everything seemed normal. So today I have conferred with two co-workers, one of which is a major foodie, and we Googled some stuff and I have decided I'm going to take a chance and go ahead and eat the lunch I brought with possible contaminated mayonnaise.  Because according to The Association for Dressings and Sauces it should be okay.  Did you know there is an association for that?  Me neither.  But anyway, I'm going for it and hoping I don't hurl by tonight.

But if I do hurl, I at least fixed my toilet this weekend.  That's right.  Something else broke in my house, but it was kind of a minor break so I fixed it myself with a piece of cardboard torn off the top of a beauty product box so I'm sure I did it the right way.  My toilet isn't leaking and running water out of the top of the tank anymore so I'm good with how I fixed it and don't really care what a licensed plumber would think because he would make me buy some expensive parts and pay him a lot of money and I would have to look at his butt crack.  I stopped the leak with a piece of folded up cardboard and there's nothing in the world wrong with that.  And my butt crack didn't show at all while I did it.

On Saturday night I thought I had a much bigger something broken in my house and I almost cried.

My little 7-year-old neighbor loves to paint and the weekend before when I was at her house "watching" football, she asked me when she could come to my house to paint with me again.  So we decided she should come over Saturday afternoon.  The last time she painted with me was right before Easter and she told me she wanted to paint an Easter bunny in a swimming pool with swim floaties on his arm.  And that's exactly what she painted.  We also collaborated on a painting of a tree (I painted the background and the tree and she decorated the tree.)

This time she painted a Halloween painting with witches' hats and a ghost and I had a rubber bat we glued on the canvas, and then I helped her paint two more canvases to put up for her parents for Christmas gifts.  Fake daughter also painted and since I only have two easels, that meant I didn't paint anything.  Then fake daughter went out and my little neighbor said she wanted to hang out with me longer so she stayed at my house until almost 8:30 and we sat in the kitchen and talked for a while while she ate potato chips because I always like to feed kids a balanced and nutritious dinner, and I tried to put a sparkling water machine together and deal with a carbon dioxide canister. (The stupid thing doesn't work - I have it hooked up right and it makes a lot of noise and the water bubbles, but then when you take the water bottle off the machine, there is no fizz in it.  That's what I get for buying a soda machine maker for $14.99 at Tuesday Morning.)

After she went home, I sat down to a gourmet Saturday night dinner of store brand cocoa puffs cereal (because I always like to feed myself a balanced and nutritious dinner) and flat water since I got ripped off by my new machine, and I was sitting at the bar stool at my island and happened to glance up at the kitchen ceiling and saw a dark spot.  My paint studio (which is really just an extra bedroom) is right above my kitchen and right where I saw this dark spot is where the bathroom is off the studio and we had been using the sink in there all day long to get rinse water and clean paint brushes. 

I almost cried y'all.

Which would have been a total waste of tears since I got up yesterday and looked at the spot when I came downstairs and there was no spot at all.  Apparently it was a shadow only seen at night because half of my pot lights (can lights for Tee so she won't think I'm a marijuana farmer) are still out since my fake son never replaced the bulbs for me before he moved. 

Anyway, it's almost time for me to go eat my rancid mayonnaise.  Yum.  I can hardly wait to throw up!

Let's do Music Monday again today.  The theme is......sick!  The song(s) you submit must contain a word in the title that have something to do with being sick:  sick, vomit, doctor, fever, etc.