I need some help from Uranus

I got me some new technology last night, y'all.  "What?!  I thought you were broke?" is what you're probably thinking.  And I am.  But I got this new technology for F-R-E-E which is the perfect price for anything.

I recently switched my internet and cable provider at home and one of their incentives to sign up with them was to give you a free gift.  My real incentive was that my previous internet wouldn't stay connected half the time and it was driving me bat shit crazy having to unhook everything and turn it all off and then back on and reconnecting several times per week and sometimes it would stay out for a couple of days even after they re-wired my house twice, plus the new provider is $60 cheaper every month.  But a free gift didn't hurt any either.

I had a choice of a Kindle Fire, a Google Nexus 7, some music thing I had never heard of, or a $125 Visa gift card.  I already have a regular Kindle, I had never heard of the music thing, and the Nexus  was worth over $200 as opposed to a $125 Visa gift card, so I went with the Nexus tablet. 

I've already downloaded a few apps that make life worth living such as Facebook, Words with Friends, etc. as well as Candy Crush (I have a theory that Candy Crush was developed by a group of mental health providers because they know how to make people addicted to something which will cause them to be institutionalized at some point).  But what I still need to search for is an astrology app.  Have I told y'all how much I love me the online astrology?  Do I believe it will predict my future and do I avoid signing contracts or buying expensive things when mercury is in retrograde?  No.  However, I just thought about something.  I should absolutely go back and see if I closed on my house while mercury was in retrograde or Neptune was up Uranus.  I read it for entertainment.

For instance, one of the astrologists I read said this about my sign (Leo!  Woot!) for this month:  "Your very best days to look for more income will be Thursday, September 5; Friday, September 6; and Saturday, September 7. Jupiter, the good fortune planet, will signal the mighty Sun and shower you with luck. Your house of income (where the Sun is moving through now) and Jupiter, in your house of confidential meetings, will work together to help you get compensated generously."  

Do y'all remember what happened on September 6th?  I was paying someone to unlock my garage door which my luggage rack had secretly locked.  Does that sound like Jupiter was showering me with luck?  I think not.  No, Jupiter was showering me with stupid crap.  Also, I do not think I have a house of income.  I have more of a shanty of income.  Or a cardboard box next to a fire in a metal barrel of income.  A living under the bridge of income.  And who knew we had a house of confidential meetings.  I need the stars to be more concerned with building me a whole house of income instead of focusing on a house of confidential meetings.  Astrology is ridiculous.  Entertaining, but completely ridiculous.

It also says I should ask for a raise this week.  Guess what I am not doing this week because astrology can suck it!

And there is this:  "Venus will be in your house of home from September 11 to October 6, so you may decide to add fresh design touches now."  For me, that would mean I should start preparing for another bathroom to leak so bad I have to have it re-tiled or a floor to fall in or something.

What I do think about astrology is that sometimes it can explain your personality a little bit. Yesterday I took this color quiz and I am here to tell you that it nailed things!  It said I'm currently obsessed about money matters.  Y'all have no idea.

So if you feel like it, take this quiz and let me know if it's accurate for you too:

Color Oracle

That site also has a place where you can put in your birth date, place of birth and time of birth and you can get other reports.  My personality report says my chart shows things will be very unfavorable for me in financial matters during my life (totally true),  that there will be major events surrounding my mother (my biological mother died when I was 5 which I would certainly categorize as a major event), and it says I will be a polished and refined person (okay, so it can't be 100% accurate).