Today I drank some salad dressing

Happy Tuesday!

In addition to accidentally taking a giant gulp of salad dressing out of a cup sitting on my desk earlier this afternoon as one does, I have been busy printing hundreds of pages of court cases about blah blah blah for one boss and I should probably print a set for myself to take home and cure my insomnia I've had for 10 years (and seriously, something I could never do would be reading the crap attorneys have to read all day), getting a phone installed for another boss, and learning that I am the ONLY person in my entire law firm of over 200 people who does a certain task in the particular way I do it as opposed to how everyone else does it.  What I like to be is weird and different so the girl who has to work on this stuff on quite a regular basis told me she likes me and she likes weird so I should keep doing it my own way so I absolutely will.  She gets me.  We are both flying our freak flags as much as you can do that when working for a serious law firm.

Also, we have a bakery in our building (I know!) and I try to forget it's there because they have awesome stuff and I already weigh 9,000 pounds, but today they were giving away free coffee.  I think they were supposed to give us a small complimentary size cup of coffee but what they handed me was kind of like a gallon of coffee.  I drink iced coffee about 75% of the time and even more so since I'm pretty sure I'm starting to have hot flashes which suck so very much, so I started pouring my free bakery coffee in one of our firm provided solo cups over ice which is how I make my one cup of coffee I drink every day (I didn't say I'm a snooty iced coffee connoisseur).  The point is, I drank FOUR solo cups of iced coffee and still had hot coffee left over and so I've spent about 2 hours of my day running up and down the hall to the bathroom because oh my word I cannot stop peeing, and I am about to climb the walls because I cannot sit still.  This should help the whole insomnia thing.  But honestly, I stopped drinking it around 11:00 a.m., it is now 5:25 p.m. and I'm still peeing non-stop.  How do you pot-a-day coffee people get anything done?

They are giving away free coffee tomorrow morning too.  If you're going to be in Buckhead between 8 and 10 I can tell you where!

In other news, my fake son left yesterday to move to Europe so I'm down to one fake child.  Let me rephrase:  I'm down to one very sad, very lonely, very depressed, very teary-eyed fake child and honestly my heart was breaking for her last night when I got home and went in her room to check on her.  They are very close so I knew she would have a hard time when he left and she cried when I talked to her.  I felt so horrible for her.

In addition to listening to a girl cry and having my heart broken last night, it was the night to take the trash to the curb for pick-up.  Exciting, right?  My garage is detached and I have to use my remote to get in the garage each morning (as opposed to walking into the garage from a door in my house - keep up) so I can't leave it in my car when I get home at night.  So I stuck my garage remote in my pocket because I had to carry my purse, my lunch bag, a magazine, push the trash can up to the curb, check the mail, close my front gate, unlock the front door, open the door, and try to not let my cat get out of the house.  In the process of doing that, I apparently hit the button on the remote with the fat around my hips or I may have hit it with my finger when I was taking the remote out of my pocket, but somehow I opened my garage door and didn't know it.

Fake daughter has to leave for work before I get out of bed because she has to arrive at 7:00 a.m. and she texted me telling me what I had done.  So yeah.  I left my garage door open all night in the 'hood with my car unlocked, my lawn equipment up for grabs, my dad's antique camera collection available for the taking, and all of fake daughter's stuff she bought for her apartment along with a lot of her clothes and her bicycle just sitting there for anyone who wanted it.  Luckily no one seemed to know because everything seemed to be there.

And now I am hoping for a very calm night.  But I plan to go run some errands after work so there is no telling what will happen......as long as I can stop this blasted peeing.