Thump thump

I am so sad June has decided to quite blogging.  I completely understand it, but I'm still incredibly sad about it.  

I didn't go to the Grandma and Gramps barbecue y'all. Grandma and Gramps both got sick and cancelled the social event of the year.  I also had my dates confused and was all set to go on Saturday but turns out the thing was actually scheduled for Sunday. I called my friend on Friday night and left her a voice mail telling her I was ready to celebrate getting old as dirt and seeing what barbecued Grandma and Gramps might taste like.  She didn't call me back until Saturday night and I thought she was ignoring my call asking for directions because she didn't want me to show up, but then I found out it wasn't supposed to be until Sunday and that it was also cancelled due to cooties.  And even though it was for my friend's birthday, she said she was glad it was cancelled because there is so much crazy in her family, her brother has joined a motorcycle gang and was going to be out of town doing motorcycle gang stuff, and she just wanted to go to the pool with her husband and child anyway.

Instead, I went to the grocery store after work on Friday night, drove my car into my garage - well, I parked it in the garage, I didn't wreck my car into it - and did not leave my house for the past 3 days.  I'm sure y'all can't wait to hear about my exciting weekend now, huh? 

First of all, I would like to shout at the top of my lungs that I've gone ELEVEN whole days without something major and expensive breaking in my house.  I did notice that fake son has broken a piece on a wicker rocking chair I have in my living room, but as a pretend artist, I have plenty of glue products to fix that.  And I will wait until he moves to Europe to play soccer because he sits in that chair all the time playing video games and he'd probably just break it again so I may as well wait, right?  I think he's leaving next week so I won't have to wait too long.  I do plan to ask him to replace all of the bulbs in the pot lights in my kitchen before he leaves because my ceilings are really high and I don't do ladders and half of the light bulbs are burned out.  So if he will do that for me and climb the ladder to change the light bulb in my garage, I won't say a word about him breaking my mom's wicker rocking chair.

All weekend I said to myself that I needed to get outside and cut my grass and pull dead plants out of containers, blow off the back deck and driveway, etc.  Then I kept saying to myself that I really didn't feel like doing any of that because I think yard work is made of stink and evil and then it would start raining right when I got done thinking how much I didn't want to do yard work, so I think God agreed with me that I shouldn't be working in the yard and should sit on my lazy butt instead.  I like God even more than I normally do when He thinks that way.

I sat on my couch a lot and listened to people drive over the stupid, annoying, loud, aggravating, metal plate that construction workers left in the street in front of the house next door to mine.  Thump thump.  Thump thump.  Thump thump.  Thump thump.  Constantly because I live on a busy street.  Thump thump. Thump thump.  Oh, it made me so irritable.  My street is a major cut through for emergency vehicles as well so I heard a lot of weeeeee-eeerrrrrrrr, weeeeee-eeeerrrr, (okay, y'all tell me how you would write out the sound of a siren) THUMP THUMP because fire trucks are heavy and make a much louder thumping sound than the 89060485345 cars that drove over the stupid metal plate with their average thump thump sound.

weeee-errrrrrrrr-weeeeee-errrrrrrr

weeee-errrrrrrrr-weeeeee-errrrrrrr

My next door neighbors built a new house not too far away from my 'hood and they now rent out the house next door to me to some noisy ass college students.  They had a football party and were out on their front porch screaming for several hours and you can imagine how that made me happy too.  The ex-neighbors who rent out the house next door to me to noisy ass college students also owned an empty lot between that house and my neighbor who we will call Sports Lady (she loves watching sports and I don't which is why I won't see much of her until next February after the Super Bowl is over).  They sold the empty lot a few months ago and a builder is putting a house on it.  I saw that lot and in a million years never thought you could fit even a tiny house in that space and he's managed to build a 3 bedroom/3 bath almost 2,500 sq. foot house on that little lot and it looks really nice and I hope it will also bring up house values even more in my 'hood.  Now if the old lady across the street would have someone cut her grass (well, weeds actually) and paint her house something other than gray with black and bright fire engine red trim the values might be even better.  You're probably thinking I should be sweet and go over there and cut that poor old lady's yard for her since she's about 80, uses a walker, and we all think she's allergic to the sun, but (1) I don't want to since I don't even want to cut my own yard, (2) my aunt once went over there and offered her a chicken (long story) and she flat out turned her down so I doubt she wants someone cutting her grass without permission, and (3) her yard is mostly knee-high or taller weeds and I have a reel mower which doesn't cut even 3 inch weeds so even if I tried I couldn't cut her yard.  Have I told y'all that I had never cut grass in my entire life until last year when I bought this house and my yard is really tiny so I bought a reel mower so the first time I ever cut grass I did it with a stupid reel mower with one arm because I had my other arm in a cast and I cursed and sweated and now I hate all yard work with a passion even though I have two working arms now?

But anyway, the new house that is being built is the reason we have listened to the thump thump thump thump of cars and the weeeeee-eeeeerrrr weeeeee-eeerrrrrr THUMP THUMP of fire trucks all weekend long because they had to cut up the street to install water or sewer lines or something.  The police were sitting there with their lights on for a while on Saturday afternoon but then they threw a couple of orange cones on it and left so that was quite helpful and a great use of taxpayer funds.

The fake daughter did all kinds of bizarre and weird stuff this weekend so I will try to talk about that at some point this week.

Oh yeah!  I did this over the weekend:

  

I baked, y'all!  I am not exactly what one would call a gourmet chef or Martha Stewart (which reminds me of a dating story about my dad if y'all want to hear about that sometime (Oh yes he did.  My dad dated Martha Stewart) and last weekend was the one year anniversary of my dad's death so I've been trying to think mostly about funny dad stories so I won't cry too much).  I had to Google how to boil eggs the previous weekend and I'm not even kidding about that.  For lunch yesterday I had crackers and dip straight out of the container while I sat and watched my stories (yes, I tape a soap opera and I have almost 30 episodes taped that I'm behind on.  Young and the Restless.  Please tell me someone else watches it and I'm not the only one??)  I'm telling y'all, I'm not a great cook.  But at some point while I listened to thump thump and weeeeee-eeeerrrr THUMP THUMP, and in between soap opera episodes, and in between ignoring my yard that needed mowed, and trying to ignore the weird stuff fake daughter was doing, and in between doing a shit ton of laundry, and I read a lot and I've read 10 books in the past 2 weeks so around some reading this weekend too, I decided to make cinnamon bread completely from scratch and it was actually good.   It was super easy too.  Easier than boiling eggs even.  Although I must say my boiled eggs came out absolutely perfect last weekend with no grayish/greenish ring or anything.

But I have to run because one of my bosses is all busy and stressed out and keeps coming to my desk and I keep having to minimize my screen and look like I'm being work-y and dedicated, and another boss was out of town last week and is trying to get caught up on stuff, and my third boss has decided to leave our firm and this is his last week so we are trying to tie up all of his loose ends, so I will talk at ya' later.