The one in which I touch some nuts and stuff

When I left work yesterday, I had every intention of heading to the party supply store to go get some stuff for Saturday's big shindig.  But shockingly, I walked out of my building and, while I didn't exactly see a sun filled sky, it was not black as night with storm clouds for the first time this week.

So I said, "Self, you should go home and put the lawn mower back together and mow the grass so it doesn't look like you have decided to let the wild take over your yard when people come over this weekend."  I wanted to argue with myself because that sounded about as fun as watching the cows and donkeys in Podunkville, TX again, but I decided to be a responsible adult and go home and put my lawn mower back together and mow the yard.

I got home from work around 7:00 (thank you Atlanta traffic), changed into my fanciest heels and pearls (or maybe my yoga pants, an old shirt from an art festival and my ugly fake yardwork Crocs), went out to the garage and carried the bottom half of my lawn mower over next to the deck steps.  Then I carried all of the parts of the handle over.  Then I went into the storage area of my garage and found all of the screws, washers, lock washers (I didn't even know there are different kinds of washers because I'm not exactly Bob Vila or Tim "the Toolman" Taylor) and the nuts I was told I needed for this job, and I sat down on the deck steps and started trying to reassemble things.  The guy at the hardware store had actually drawn me a picture/diagram and written instructions on the bag as to what order stuff should be done in because I think he realized I am not exactly a professional lawn mower assembly person.  Probably the fact that I told him I had used my mower less than a handful of times and it had fallen apart into several pieces clued him in.

Then I heard noises and they sounded like they were coming from my driveway or front yard so I stopped assembling, got up, walked up to the front of my house to discover I must be hearing crap, walked back down the driveway, sat back down, and started assembling again.

Then I heard thunder and it started raining.  I started cursing.

But I kept sitting there in the rain, cursing, looking at the picture, trying not to stomp away in a huff from frustration, and then I dropped all of the lock washers on the ground and those suckers can roll kind of far.  So I chased them around the driveway, and finally by some miracle of the planets being aligned just so, I got my lawn mower put back together.  AND the rain stopped falling.

If you've ever used a reel mower you know that you have to pre-clean the yard.  If there is a 1/2 inch twig in the grass, it will jam up the mower.  So I got out a lawn bag and picked up all the sticks.  With all of the storms we've had in the past week or so, that took a while.  And my hamstrings are killing me today from all of the bending (don't bother telling me to bend at the knees.  I know that but I don't do it).  There is a tree somewhere near my house and for the life of me I can't figure out which tree it is (but it's not in my yard) which keeps dumping hundreds of these pod things into my yard.  And those stupid pods jam up my mower quite often.  But if I tried to pick them all up, I would still be out there right now.  And yes, I've tried raking them but the rake just flips them around in the air and they fly about 3 feet across the yard to another spot.  It just doesn't work y'all.

So finally, about an hour after I got home I had all of the prep work done to mow.  I mowed about 2 feet, stopped and unjammed a pod from the blades, mowed about 2 more feet, stopped and unjammed a pod from the blades, mowed about 2 more feet, stopped and unjammed a pod from the blades, repeat.  And after 20 minutes I had gotten one strip mowed of my little yard.  I was pouring sweat, cursing like a sailor, my back and legs were hurting from the sudden stopping of the mower every single time something jammed it up and bending over to get it unjammed, and I was unhappy.  I also had to stop and retighten my nuts (that's what she said) several times so the stupid handle didn't fall off the stupid mower again from all of the jarring from the sudden stops from the jams.  My front yard is about as tiny as you can ever imagine and it took me almost 45 minutes to mow it.  Stupid pods.

My next door neighbor waved to me each time we happened to pass each other as he was swiftly mowing his gigantic yard next door with a gas mower and he finished before I was done with my tiny patch.  I was jealous of him and his gas powered, fast mower.  But not of his man boobs.  He's actually a very nice man.  But he has himself some moobs.

The backyard went much more quickly for me.  The pods don't fall back there.  Thank goodness.

I then put the mower up and went and sat down on the front porch.  I was sweating and breathing as though I had just run a marathon.  It was hot and humid.  I felt like I was half dead when I got done a little after 9:00 p.m.

I ran in, took a shower, threw in a load of laundry, and finally sat down and ate a Pop Tart for dinner at almost 10:00. 

That's when it started storming like crazy outside.

Blowing crap all over my freshly cleaned up yard.

My cat was terrified and ran from one piece of furniture to another trying to hide under stuff while I worked on the menu for the party Saturday.  (I like to throw party plans together at kind of the last minute apparently.)

At 11:30 the power went out. 

I heard a transformer blow somewhere nearby so I knew it would be out for a while.  Thankfully, when the lights had started flickering a few minutes earlier I had gone and grabbed a flashlight.  No a/c, no fan, etc.  I can't sleep without air moving around me so I sat there in the dark for 2 hours unable to sleep.  Around 1:30 I saw a Georgia Power truck drive by and by 2:00 a.m. we finally had power again.  I finally fell asleep with Bailey laying on top of me, and then she woke me up at 4:30 when she jumped off.  I never went back to sleep.

All of this is the story as to why I am cranky and yawning today.  But damn it, my grass is cut.